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Just feel I need to ‘talk, to someone today. Just feeling very low. It’s chemo week again - so pre-chemo bloods yesterday, oncologist this morning, CT tomorrow ( Because they know there is spread to lymph nodes in axilla and neck from my breast cancer, so checking for any further spread), then 2nd chemo Thursday. I am disabled and a wheelchair user. I do usually manage to use crutches in the house but since op ( Mastectomy & Axillary clearance of lymph nodes have not been allowed to use them so missing my mobility however limited it usually is). Hopefully get that back soon. My stomach is black and very sore from the Fragmin injections ( I’m usually on oral anticoagulants but have had to change whilst on chemo). I’m on higher dose Fragmin as had DVTs when on the normal preventative dose in the past. I’ve now lost all my hair which is hard - I couldn’t have the cold cap due to having severe migraines and Raynauds, but it caught me out a bit being so soon ( 2 weeks after 1st chemo). Have got some hats/scarves but struggling with getting them right. Also got a wig which I had before I lost my hair so colour is good match and I was quite pleased with it. I even had a few nice comments from friends and my son who saw photos. Then - I showed my Mum a photo of me wearing it and she said ‘what’s wrong with your face? You look all wrong and somethings not right!’ . Trying to get back to feeling good about it I showed another friend who just laughed. Now my wig’s sat upstairs and I’m too scared to wear it. Sorry for all the moans - think everything’s just hit me and as I was so ill after the 1st chemo am dreading this one but trying to look positive and think that will be 2 down 4 to go so a third of the way through by Friday but admit I’m finding it hard. Really hope you are all doing as well as poss at the moment. Thank you to anyone who has read this - I’m on my own today which I’m finding hard so very grateful for this forum, but tomorrows another day so onwards and upwards I hope. X


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