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Lack of libido

I have no sex drive whatsoever and it's really getting me down. I have a husband who very much desires me sexually, but I literally have to build myself up to sex, so it's never really spontaneous. Also, I'm completely dry and sex is painful. Please help.


  • KazKaz Posts: 482 mod

    Hello @Bobbarntam ,


    It's horrible feeling this way isn't it? Somehow it's worse because it's not something we really talk about. It's so personal! Have you been to see anyone about this? Are you taking anything to help you cope with the symptoms of menopause?

    I certainly understand where you are coming from. My libido was gone for a long time, but after almost six months on HRT patches, things are beginning to look up a bit. It's certainly not how it used to be, but I have hope, where for a long time I (and my husband!) had none.

    I think it does help to keep talking. For a long time, there was resentment from my other half who seemed to think I had gone off him, and that just wasn't the case. It's one of the many symptoms of menopause but perhaps this one is even more difficult to cope with because it quite clearly affects more than just you. Once I began to be honest with my husband, he realised that it was another menopause symptom, and as long as I told him what was happening to me, he seemed to accept it. Of course, I know I'm lucky, and not all partners are quite as understanding! For those who aren't, and who are open to finding out more about menopause, or speaking to other men about supporting the women in their lives, there's a (closed) FB group they might be interested in. Our expert @Maryon_Stewart set it up.

    Of course, if you're dry and sore, you're never going to feel like being intimate. You're not on your own - according to our @Sylk experts 80% of menopausal women will suffer with vaginal dryness, yet only a third of those will seek help from their doctors, whether because they are too embarrassed or think “it will just go away”. Left untreated, this condition can have a massive impact on your self-confidence and relationships. That seems such a shame!

    I had great success with some over the counter vaginal moisturisers, but you can also get some topical oestrogen creams or pessaries from your GP that will help. As much as you might hate the thought, it's really important to speak to your doctor and not self diagnose. The thing is, there are options for you, so that's good news!

    There's more information in the attached article by Jane Lewis. She's also written a great book, Me and My Menopausal Vagina, that I found really helpful.

    Remember if you have any specific questions about vaginal dryness, you can always ask our lovely experts from @Sylk . Just follow the link

    Hope this helps! 😊❤️

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