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Low libido 😒🙄

Blanka_CBlanka_C Posts: 406 Community Admin
Bit of an embarrassing one to talk about sometimes, but it's actually a really important issue so here goes...
Has anyone noticed a drop in how much you're interested in sex?
What have you tried to feel more 'in the mood'? Has it affected your relationship with your partner? 


  • MilaMila Posts: 9
    @SweatyBetty Don’t be embarrassed. We are all going through the same :( and here for you 
    yes it’s miserable :(
  • NicNic Posts: 4
    My husband not interested in sex, so he says.  So I've kinda given up now.  Don't feel attractive when sweating every half hour anyway 
  • DizziLadyDizziLady Posts: 7
    Husband is chronically ill so no sex here! I miss the rush and feeling like a woman! Menopause has stolen my lasts shred of femininity!
  • NicNic Posts: 4
    I Agree dizzy lady.  It's the rush of being wanted.  Is menopause an acceptable excuse for an affair? 🤔🤔
  • TootifulYouTootifulYou Posts: 1
    Yes I feel the same the menopause has stolen the last bit of me, my partner says he understands but I don't feel he does. I've gone from having a very high sex drive to nothing, it's really frustrating and upsetting. I've tried some supplement's and hrt but nothing has changed. 
  • NicNic Posts: 4
    Dizzilady that has made me proper chuckle  =)=)=)
  • KazKenn24KazKenn24 Posts: 51 ✭✭
    Bit of an embarrassing one to talk about sometimes, but it's actually a really important issue so here goes...
    Has anyone noticed a drop in how much you're interested in sex?
    What have you tried to feel more 'in the mood'? Has it affected your relationship with your partner? 
    I'm struggling with this one. My husband works away for three months at a time, and he's only  back for a couple of weeks. I guess I feel I should be more attentive when he's home. I don't even think of that side of things when he's away, and as much as I miss him, when he's there next to me, all I can think about is escaping to the living room and the sofa, because the heat coming from him  in the bed suffocates me! It's really hard to be sexy when you feel as if you're about to spontaneously combust. I'm lucky that it isn't affecting our relationship too much. He does get a bit ticked off when I disappear in the middle of the night - I think he wants to be cuddled up because we don't get to see each other as much as we want. But I just can't stand the heat! And I really, REALLY hope it passes soon.... but it's already been 15 years since my hysterectomy, and no signs of it fading away yet!
  • I am not experiencing low libido yet, actually right now I am in hyper drive but I don't have a partner and haven't for over 5 years. I miss it enormously but mostly kissing, feeling the weight of my significant other on top of me. So I turn the best next thing, my vibrator. I know, not the same but not into casual sex anymore, did that in my 30's between marriages. I wouldn't mind having a fling if I found someone I liked, felt even a very tiny connection but nothing so far. Joined a dating website for fun and so many of the "men" there are fake profiles run by scammers etc, so boring......I do data base research, I am quite good at it. So the most fun I had in the dating website was chatting with some of these men, spotting the fake profiles/scammers and reporting them to the webmaster haha.
    Wonder if my libido will drop, wonder if I will feel like you ladies do, I am 55 years old, thought something like that would have happened to me already. Being alone and in hyper-libido drive when you don't have a significant other, when one feels too old to be in the dating scene, when I wonder how much a new man in my life will be bothered by my overweight, my stretch marks, my CPAP machine, my skin tags, my darkened skin under my breasts......feeling so so so unattractive. So, there it is and here we are, I'd say we'll make it :)  
  • KazKaz Posts: 475 mod
    Carol_May said:
    My libido disappeared completely + sex became very painful, even with lube. During this time, my now ex husband descended into alcoholism and finally left..... However, meeting a new man meant my libido came back with a vengeance!! Lol! Took me completely by surprise to be honest! Now I feel sexier than ever, even though everything is saggy!!! So, ladies, don't give up!! I would also recommend having an open and honest conversation with your partners about how you are feeling... and that it's because of your menopause symptoms, not because you don't love him anymore. And remember, you will come out the other side eventually!  
    Brilliant advice @Carol_May! Hope for everyone! X
  • JuJu23JuJu23 Posts: 22 ✭✭
    Lourdes you are certainly beautiful just as you are ...
    body image insecurity most definitely affects all my girlfriends in one way or another - we laugh about it and console each other when miserable ...
    You are most definitely lovable and gorgeous to somebody who might feel just as worried about there “imperfections” as you do ...
    ladies, without all the detail,  I thought no one would ever accept my “imperfection” until I met my husband last year and realised there are good people who love and cherish you no matter what - don’t give up ...
    p.s for a bit of something lovely and to maybe help arouse the senses! ...try Swoon Massage in a Bottle - from Boots - smells divine and ok on intimate areas! 
  • BadgerBadger Posts: 1

    I got the menopause for my 50th birthday. I had cancer so they took everything out on my birthday 2 years ago now. Tried HRT in various forms but had issues with every type. So off it all. Hormones have calmed down to what they were and now just suffer from night sweats, fatigue and no sex drive, when I do it’s painful. Just feel robbed of life... beautiful supportive husband. I went from running mararthons to sometimes not getting out of bed as I am exhausted. I take cod liver oil, and herbal menopause tablets. Really not me anymore fed up. Anyone got any suggestions to get back my get up and go..

  • KazKaz Posts: 475 mod

    Hi Badger,

    Thanks for joining us on the forum, and for sharing your story.

    What a lot you’ve had to deal with - it’s no wonder you’re not feeling like yourself anymore! Nobody warns you just how hard it might be!

    Have you had a read through the Ask Me Anything discussion with Maryon Stewart where a couple of other ladies asked similar questions to yours? (I’ve attached copies of the questions from the event, but there maybe more tips for you if you want to read the whole discussion). There was also lots of guidance on which supplements to take to help with fatigue, flushes etc. I hope there will be something there that you find will help.

    I also watched a programme this week (Dr Christian Special Clinic on Sexual Health) and a lady was having problems with painful sex. The gynaecologist she was referred to suggested using natural oils (coconut?!) a couple of times a day to help put the moisture back. I’m not quite sure how that would work. I know that I managed to overcome dryness (which led to pain and bleeding)with Replens , but I then switched to the Boots own Version which worked well too.

    I’m so glad to see that you have the support of your lovely husband, it makes such a difference to know there is someone on your side, but I know from experience that you start to worry when you’re not the person he’s used to being around.

    I hope there’s something here that you’ll find helpful , and I hope some other ladies will jump in with their ideas too.

    A huge welcome to you Badger 😊

  • Deebee_50Deebee_50 Posts: 1

    Hi I’m new to this site and I’m 53. My libido is so up and down at the moment where I feel ok 1 month but the next 2 or 3 months I don’t want my hubby near me. He is understanding but I miss that intimacy we had on a regular basis. I’m currently back on the mini pill and taking sertraline daily mainly for my mood. I am very snappy with him and tired all the time. He is very understanding. Still having regular periods monthly but they are getting shorter. Will my libido come back ?

  • KazKaz Posts: 475 mod

    Hello @Deebee_50 ,


    I know just how you feel. It was very much like that for me too, and I know that other women have found they have similar issues. I'm very glad to report that I am feeling very much better about this, and a lot of other things too with the help of some HRT treatment. Whether you choose to go down the HRT route, or try to handle your symptoms more naturally, is a very personal choice. There are no right or wrong ways to deal with your symptoms - but it's reassuring to know that there are lots of things you can try. It just sometimes takes a bit of time to find something that works for you!

    Is it worth having a conversation with your GP again? Low mood can have an effect on libido, as well as declining hormone levels caused by the menopause - but some anti depressants can also have an impact. Perhaps your GP can recommend something to help?

    In the meantime, I've attached one of the website guides which offers some information and things to try.

    Good luck! 😊

  • melonierobinsonsmelonierobinsons Posts: 1
    edited April 2019

    Loss of libido is common complaint in the years before and after menopause. Desire problems peak around ages 35 to 64. Highs and lows normally match with the start or end of a relationship and decrease in sex drive after menopause is a problem many women face. Menopause and libido is a relationship studied by researchers around the world.

    Here is the nice blog post that provides more information on how decreased sex drive after menopause may affect sexuality.

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