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I want to help my wife

kevin2510kevin2510 Posts: 2
My wife is menopausal and now is on oestrogen. She had a hysterectomy last October, but her ovaries were left behind. She was peri-menopausal before her op, and was on tablet HRT. Throughout both these stages the slightest little thing throws her into a rage.  this isn't my wife, I believe the gel is helping, but I want to help her handle this, as after she is always apologetic and even though I reassure her, she thinks she will drive me away.  She won't and I want to help, he, AND us. What can I do to help her sleep, and to destress?  Her job is quite stressful, mine has caused some uncertainty financially, but we are taking steps to remedy this.  Can anyone give us some advice? Thank you.

Comments

  • KazKaz Posts: 475 mod
    kevin2510 said:
    My wife is menopausal and now is on oestrogen. She had a hysterectomy last October, but her ovaries were left behind. She was peri-menopausal before her op, and was on tablet HRT. Throughout both these stages the slightest little thing throws her into a rage.  this isn't my wife, I believe the gel is helping, but I want to help her handle this, as after she is always apologetic and even though I reassure her, she thinks she will drive me away.  She won't and I want to help, he, AND us. What can I do to help her sleep, and to destress?  Her job is quite stressful, mine has caused some uncertainty financially, but we are taking steps to remedy this.  Can anyone give us some advice? Thank you.
    Hello @kevin2510
    Welcome to the forum. I think it's lovely that you want to support your wife.
    You said your wife is on oestrogel (or oestrodose)? This gel is replacing the oestrogen hormone - the most important hormone for women that reduces during the perimenopause and menopause. In most cases, this gel effectively improves symptoms such as hot flushes, night sweats, mood changes and vaginal dryness. The most common dose is between two and four pumps a day. Usually, it can be very common for younger women to need higher doses of Oestrogel and this is safe. If your wife is on only two pumps, she should be able to increase this if she needs. Many women enjoy the flexibility of changing the dose depending on their symptoms. Often people find that their need for oestrogen can increase or decrease with time; the dose of gel can alter accordingly. Changing the amount of gel she uses should only be in consultation with your menopause doctor or GP - but it's important that she knows this is an option for her if appropriate.
    If your wife is on oestrodose, some women find that less effective than the oestrogel, so she could ask for a swap.
    If the anger issues are causing concern, and she's already on the maximum dose of gel, I would suggest a chat with your GP to talk about options. This is nothing to be embarrassed about - it's a very real symptom of the menopause, and your GP should be able to offer some options to help.
    To sleep, to relax me and to help with anxiety too, I use a mindfulness app called Clarity. I've been surprised how well it works - I always thought mindfulness was a lot of old mumbo jumbo. I'm delighted to find that I was completely wrong! This app is designed for women, specifically to help with their menopausal symptoms. it takes a little bit of practice to get used to, but it's not a massive effort, and I really feel the benefit from it. There are lots of mindfulness apps on the market, but this is the one that I find most useful.
    I think you're doing a great job of reassuring her. Perhaps it would help her to have a look around the forum and see that she's not alone? 
    Hope this helps! 


    https://clarity.app/clarity/
  • kevin2510kevin2510 Posts: 2
    Thank you very much. I think I must be like most men in that I can't completely comprehend what she is going through, but all I know is that it is very difficult sometimes, and I want to help.
  • KazKaz Posts: 475 mod
    kevin2510 said:
    Thank you very much. I think I must be like most men in that I can't completely comprehend what she is going through, but all I know is that it is very difficult sometimes, and I want to help.
    Perhaps this might help you too? A book written about menopause especially for men by Ruth Devlin.

    https://promensil.co.uk/men-lets-talk-menopause-by-ruth-devlin/

    Also, our own expert Maryon Stewart has a FB group specifically for men to talk about the subject. https://maryonstewart.com/2017/11/03/men-coping-menopause/
  • Julie20Julie20 Posts: 345 mod
    kevin2510 said:
    My wife is menopausal and now is on oestrogen. She had a hysterectomy last October, but her ovaries were left behind. She was peri-menopausal before her op, and was on tablet HRT. Throughout both these stages the slightest little thing throws her into a rage.  this isn't my wife, I believe the gel is helping, but I want to help her handle this, as after she is always apologetic and even though I reassure her, she thinks she will drive me away.  She won't and I want to help, he, AND us. What can I do to help her sleep, and to destress?  Her job is quite stressful, mine has caused some uncertainty financially, but we are taking steps to remedy this.  Can anyone give us some advice? Thank you.
    Hi @kevin2510
    It's so nice to hear from a man on here that is supportive. Without even realising it you are already doing an amazing job just by being there and reassuring her. 
    Menopause is awful and treats us all very differently, most women will say they are not the person they used to be and worry that their partners will no longer find them attractive. Being there is the main thing she needs right now. 
    I have horrendous mood swings and am now taking citalopram which is an anti depressant but it's also used for moods. If I wasn't taking it I would probably be in a police cell by now 😀 so may be it would be worth her going to the GP and asking for this or something similar. 
    Thank you for being so supportive, we definitely need more men like you in this world. You are doing a great job you should be proud of yourself.

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