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I need help.

Lucy46Lucy46 Posts: 3

Hello. I'm new today and feel I'm really struggling. I'm 46 and had a total hysterectomy last year for endometriosis, so nearly 8 months ago. The last few months I have really started to struggle with the menopause. I was advised to not take HRT due to endo so I am on St Johns wort daily and menopace vitamins. I am tired, stressed, aching, crying, unhappy, fed up.....everything. I cant bear to be next to my partner....we have attempted sex twice in the last few months and even with KY jelly I was uncomfortable and couldn't wait for it to be over. We don't even touch each other now and I end up getting up as I just want to be alone. We don't live together and I am just finding I want to be on my own...I have no interest in anything. My work is being affected too as I'm unhappy and irritable. I feel like my life is over and this is it. Any help or advice would be very much appreciated as I feel I am going mad. I can't talk to my mum, friends or partner so I just don't know what to do x


  • KazKaz Posts: 475 mod

    Oh hello @Lucy46 !

    Welcome to the forum - I'm so sorry you're feeling so miserable!

    What a lot for you to cope with! It's hard to unravel it all - so to start with I'll simply say that you're not on your own anymore.

    There are lots of ways to cope with all the symptoms you're experiencing. Some women choose the more natural route with supplements, nutrition, exercise etc and that works well for them. Others choose HRT - and it sounds like you think that isn't an option for because of your previous edometriosis problems? I wonder if you were advised by your GP not to take HRT? Or have you seen a menopause specialist? HRT isn't ruled out because of your endometriosis - but you do need to be seen by someone who specialises in menopause. (See the factsheet at the bottom of my reply for more information about endometriosis and HRT.)

    Have you ever been referred to a menopause clinic? Did you even know that they exist? I wonder if that might be the place you should go to for help with your menopause symptoms. A menopause clinic specialises in all things Menopause and HRT related, including issues like the ones you're dealing with. You need to be referred by your GP (fingers crossed that there is a clinic in your area) but you will probably have to ask for that referral! And you shouldn't be afraid to ask! I'll pop a link at the bottom of this reply for you to search for one in your area. There are NHS ones, but there are also private clinics if the budget stretches that far. I would try searching just for NHS first. I certainly didn't have the budget for private! If there is one and travel/distance is an issue - you can ask about a phone or "attend anywhere" consultation which is a bit like a skype call! If HRT is how you'd like to be treating your symptoms, you should certainly ask for that, and if it isn't available for you after seeing a specialist, then a menopause clinic is the best place to get help with other options.

    I'm sorry you're having problems with intimacy. It's another miserable symptom - and it's probably exacerbated because you're coping with all these other things too. When you're tired, stressed, feeling ill, unhappy and in pain, sex or any kind of intimacy is the last thing you want. I can totally empathise with you on this one - and having any kind of discussion with your partner about it when you already feel vulnerable is probably not very high on your list of priorities. I'm tagging our fabulous experts @Sylk to see if they have any initial thoughts on making things easier for you.

    I really think that it would be a good idea for you to speak to your GP. Your symptoms are having such a major impact on all aspects of your life and it's important they know just how much. Perhaps you could think about preparing a list of symptoms to take with you. I get muddled and miss out what I want to say when I see my doctor, so I find the best way is to write my queries down! I also used to worry that my GP would think I was weird taking in a list with me, but she assures me it's fairly common, and sometimes is easier to work with!

    This all seems like a lot of information to take in, so I'll leave it there for the moment, except to say you're NOT going mad, and your life is not over. I have felt exactly as you do right now. You will come through this 😊♥️

  • Lucy46Lucy46 Posts: 3

    Thank you so much... that has really helped me. I will see my doctor and ask about the clinic. Xx

  • SylkSylk Posts: 5 Female Dryness Expert

    Sounds like you are having a really miserable time. I definitely think you need to go and see your GP or go and see a menopause specialist. I also think you need to take the pressure off about having sex. More importantly, you need to talk to your partner and explain how you are feeling. You should also try and do things together that you both enjoy.....go for walks, out for a meal, go to the cinema. Spend time talking together and re-connecting.

    I would also recommend talking to your GP about local oestrogen if your vagina feels sore and painful during sex. You could also use a natural lubricant like Sylk to top up during sex and to make everything feel more comfortable. Sylk is free from hormones and parabens so is really kind and gentle and feels really slippery and silky.

    I really hope things improve for you.


  • Lucy46Lucy46 Posts: 3

    That's great thank you. No doctors appointments...it's going to take a while I think! I will look into your suggestions thank you x

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