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Feeling suicidal

tabitha21tabitha21 Posts: 4

Help, I am a 53 year old vegetarian that has been struggling with symptoms of menopause. I suffered from endometriosis and was treated with provera for 15 years. After coming off it I am now peri. Last period was feb2019. Suffer from terrible health anxiety. Not sleeping, night flushes, terrible problem with weeing all the time, last night got up four times, this is normal. Exhausted as I work full time. Feel like life is not worth living, so low. Trying every supplement under the sun but nothing helps. At the moment taking veg multi vit and mineral, calcium and magnesium, evening primrose oil 2000mg, marshmallow root, macu root 5000mg, probiotic, pumpkin seed oil 2000mg, d-mannose, sea buckthorn, just started Agnus castus, recommended by an acupuncturist for menopausal symptoms, nothing is helping. Anyone having symptoms such as frequency as this is driving me crazy during the night and contributes significantly to my anxiety. Dr put me on amitriptyline which I managed to take up to 30mg but even this gave me side effects and has caused tinnitus. Not taking now and do not want to go on another anti depressant. Help!


  • KazKaz Posts: 475 mod

    Hello @tabitha21  

    THANK YOU for reaching out to us. I'm really keen to help and reassure you.

    I can sense and completely understand the utter despair in your message and I want you to know that you are NOT alone!

    I, and I'm sure other women on the forum, recognise the feelings and symptoms you describe so clearly.

    Before I try to address the menopause issues you are dealing with, I am very, very concerned to read that you feel suicidal.

    Do you currently feel as if you want to harm yourself, or have you done anything to harm yourself?

    If so - please immediately dial 999 and ask for help.

    The best thing you can do right now is talk to someone....

    If you are feeling suicidal and need to talk, you can reach out to these organisations. I would encourage you to do so.

    We all need help from time to time - and the people who take the calls can offer you that support.

    • Breathing Space on 0800 83 85 87 (24 hours at weekends, Fri–Mon 6pm–6am and Mon–Thurs 6pm–2am)
    • Samaritans on 116 123 (24 hours, 7 days a week)

    Please let me know how you are feeling right now.

    It's so important that you know there is help out there for you.


  • tabitha21tabitha21 Posts: 4

    Thanks for your response. I know many women are going through it bad with the menopause but the thing that really affects my anxiety is the constant trips to the bathroom particularly at night. I have been on the Facebook site and posted my worries on there about this but there doesn't seem to be anyone else having similar issues so I feel so alone with this. I have had councilling for these suicidal thoughts and have rung the Samaritans in the past but I need to talk to someone with similar issues as me and get advice. Doctors just fob me of with antidepressants and sleeping tablets which don't help me. I don't want to take hrt due to endometriosis and breast pumps in the past.

  • KazKaz Posts: 475 mod
    edited May 2019

    Hi @tabitha21

    Thanks for getting back to me.

    Yes. Other women struggle - but that in no way diminishes the problems that you are dealing with. Your struggles are just as real and valid - and you absolutely should be able to find the help that you need.

    I'm so glad you've reached out to counsellors and spoken to the Samaritans. And I'm also very glad that you posted on our forum today. That's a really good start.

    I completely understand that you really want to speak to someone who knows and understands what you are dealing with. Since you posted, I've been looking around to see if I could find some help for you.

    I certainly had to put up with lots of toilet trips through the night, and it really used to get on my nerves! It didn't affect me quite as dramatically as this affects you (other symptoms did that!) and it has significantly improved in the last four months since I've started HRT treatment. I am now sometimes only up once during the night and sometimes not at all which is brilliant!

    I'm sure you're aware of what happens to cause your problems. The reduction of oestrogens in your system causes our vaginal tissues to become less elastic - the lining of your urethra, the tube that empties urine from your bladder, begins to thin. Your pelvic floor, the group of muscles that supports both your urethra and bladder, weakens. Have you been examined to identify or confirm the cause of your problem? Have you ever asked for or had vaginal oestrogen cream suggested? That can sometimes help in these cases.

    I know you're not keen on HRT, but it isn't ruled out just because you've had endometriosis. You do need to make sure that you have the right combination for you, and sometimes it can take a bit of time to get that combination right. See the attached information from Dr Louise Newson

    Can I ask if the breast lumps you mentioned were benign?

    Also - which part of the country are you in? Please don't post addresses - I just want to see what resources there are available for you in that area. Have you ever been referred to any kind of menopause clinic or urologist?

    I'm currently in Manchester to talk about menopause awareness on BBC Breakfast - so I'm hoping that I may be able to find someone with the knowledge we need to help point us in the right direction with this.

    Kaz 😊

  • tabitha21tabitha21 Posts: 4

    Thanks for your comments. Yes I am aware of the vaginal atrophy that comes with the lack of oestrogen but not many menopausal women seem to suffer like I do. Most that I have spoken to either sailed through the menopause or just have the night sweats and flushing during the day. Yes, I was given a prescription for oestrogen cream but on reading the side effects this put me off- health anxiety rearing its head again. Use an organic water based moisturizer instead and taking sea buckthorn and epo to see if this helps. Seen urologists in the past about bladder problems, most put my problems down to a bladder that doesn't empty fully with a small residual volume or the endometriosis. I live in Essex/Herts borders and would love to find local help. Didn't know there are such things as menopause clinics. How do you access these, Dr has never suggested these. Breast pumps were fibroadenoma, so benign but prone to them. Took hrt several years ago when I was on treatment for endometriosis, made me feel so ill so had to come off it. How long was it into the menopause before you took hrt? Was it trial and error to find one that agreed with you? So you have been there with the trips to the bathroom then, can't believe I have 'met' someone who had asimilar problem. To sleep through the night, heaven!!

    Thanks for your response. Look forward to hearing from you soon

  • KazKaz Posts: 475 mod

    Hello again @tabitha21

    Oh! I feel your frustration! I struggled with symptoms for 14 years, which is why I'm so passionate about helping other women get help much quicker! Fourteen years of symptoms - four months on HRT patches, and the difference is simply remarkable. I can't say that there weren't any side effects. There were - but I'd read up and was prepared, so felt able to wait them out. I had sore boobs, PMT like symptoms (my poor kids and husband!) and some bloating, but that was all temporary. The thing to remember is that there are so many variations of HRT treatment available now. HRT has changed dramatically even in recent years, and there will be one that suits you . You shouldn't be afraid to try. And yes, you may have to tweak things a bit until you get it right, but it's really worth the effort of doing that!

    The night time loo stops that were so irritating stopped after about four weeks. In fact, I don't really remember being aware that this was a symptom of menopause. I thought it was just a "getting older" symptom. It was your message that made me stop and think that "hang on a minute -I'm not going to the loo through the night anymore" and realise that the HRT was probably having an impact on that too! I dealt with a great deal of dryness, but still didn't equate that with the loo stops - and I don't know why, because the two are most definitely linked I think! I had just started taking sea buckthorn when I started on HRT, so I stopped that before I could tell if it was making a difference at all.

    I've been investigated for breast lumps twice now - both benign thankfully. I admit I had my reservations about taking HRT - but after looking at all the evidence I could find, my reservations ended up being less about increased risks of breast cancer and bone density issues (the figures were so minimal and far less than I expected or had been led to believe), and more about the extra glasses of wine and snacks I was consuming during the week to self medicate all the horrible symptoms. I'm now a stone and a half down, and I truly believe it's because I simply feel so much better and have "myself" back again!

    A menopause clinic specialises in all things Menopause and HRT related. You need to be referred by your GP (fingers crossed that there is a clinic in your area) but you will probably have to ask for that referral! And you shouldn't be afraid to ask! You deserve to be able to access the help you need. I'll pop a link at the bottom of this reply for you to search for one in your area. There are NHS ones, but there are also private clinics if the budget stretches that far. I would try searching just for NHS first. I certainly didn't have the budget for private! If there is one and travel/distance is an issue - you can ask about a phone or "attend anywhere" consultation which is a bit like a skype call!

    I spoke very briefly to a doctor I met yesterday, and gave her a quick rundown on the symptoms you had described to me. Of course she couldn't make a diagnosis but she was very positive and said it was very likely that you could be helped. We talked about vaginal oestrogen creams, so perhaps that is something you could have another look at? I completely understand your health anxiety, and your concerns are entirely valid. I just know that all the concerns I had have vastly diminished now that I am feeling so much better.

    I think the thing that I most want to share with you is that there is hope. You CAN find help for your symptoms - and I hope that I've been able to give you something to work with!

    PLEASE let me know if there's anything else I can do to reassure you 😊


  • tabitha21tabitha21 Posts: 4

    Hi thanks for your response. Things got so bad Wednesday I ended up at drs. She suggested the dreaded HRT. I didn't go in there expecting to leave with a prescription, but yes I came out with Eleste duet as she said this at the lowest dose was the best to try first. Off I went only to find there is a shortage of this and had to settle for Kliofem. After reading the leaflet, first I am confused as it says this is for menopausal women who have not had a period for a year or more. I had one in February so still peri, so is this harmful for me to take? Do I still get a bleed as I believed all this would stop. The last thing I want is an aggregation of my endometriosis. Dr says bleeds are lighter. Is Kliofem a continuous hrt? I am sooooo confused and soooo worried about the side effects that it is still sitting in my handbag. Because of past history of endo/breast lumps this is what is making me worried. Taking sea buckthorn and also been told to take flaxseed oil. Anyone else take this? I shall look into the links you have sent. Thank you so much for your timex

  • KazKaz Posts: 475 mod

    Hello @tabitha21

    Let's be positive! You saw a doctor and she wanted to help you. That's good!

    Your health anxiety has kicked in, and that's completely understandable. Remember you don't have to take anything at all unless or until you have put your mind at rest.

    You have a couple of options I think. You can wait until Monday and ring the surgery to double check the things that are concerning you.

    And my questions would be:-

    The patient information says this HRT is for women who have not had a period for more than a year. I had a period 3 months ago - is this OK for me to take?

    Elleste Duo was prescribed - Kliofem was dispensed. Is this OK? Is this HRT treatment specifically for women who have had/have endometriosis?

    Will this cause a reoccurance of my endometriosis?

    Will I still have a bleed?

    If it would worry you too much to wait till Monday, then you could ask the same questions of your pharmacist. They all have private rooms they can take you to, so that you have some privacy.

    Please also see the attached video - Dr Louise Newson speaks very clearly about HRT and made me feel much better about taking HRT. I think it will help to put your mind at rest.

    I've also found the helpline number for Endometriosis UK, and the opening times for the coming week. The line is staffed by experienced volunteers, but they may have some information relevant to your endometriosis concerns, or be able to direct you further.

    Hope this helps! Kaz 😊

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