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Rocky Relationships?

MenopauseorjustmeMenopauseorjustme Posts: 430 Menopause Nurse Practitioner

Good afternoon.

I wondered how you were all getting on with partners during cover but mainly menopause?

Has covid bought you together? Have you become more irritable? Has your relationship become more strained during menopause? Have your feelings towards your partner altered? If so how are you dealing with it?

If you're single how do you view the future with a partner or happily single?

Any discussions, advice would be very much appreciated.


Comments

  • MonicaMMonicaM Posts: 337 ✭✭✭

    @DianePorterfield-Bourne

    Hi Diane,

    I am experiencing all of the above.

    we have good times from time to time and enjoy each other’s company but then there are times he gets on my nerves because he doesn’t want to do much. He likes to do just sit around and I don’t want to always do that. I am not saying we have to go out and do things but I try to get him to play games with me, do karaoke or watch movies but he likes to watch tv shows that I am not interested in and be on his laptop.

    I think we could do better

    The menopause part it is the intimacy, connection and affection that is missing

    Sometimes the little things do irritate me but thank goodness he is back to work every other week so I do get a break

  • Julie20Julie20 Posts: 345 mod

    Hi @DianePorterfield-Bourne. Myself and my partner have flourished during the lock down. More in love now than ever. We are more than happy to be confined in a space together and do nothing together.

    Guess I am just very lucky to have someone that supports me through everything, as I do him. And someone that loves me for me, menopause and all :)

  • MenopauseorjustmeMenopauseorjustme Posts: 430 Menopause Nurse Practitioner

    @Julie20

    Thank you for writing into Live Better With Menopause. It is so good to hear that your relationship has flourished during the lockdown. It demonstrates how supportive and understanding you both are even under extreme times.

    I'd love to hear other women's views too, good or bad!

    Great news Julie.

    Best wishes

    Diane Porterfield Bourne.

  • HajraHajra Posts: 5

    The lockdown has brought my hubby and I closer we did the cooking together and cleaning it was good

  • MonicaMMonicaM Posts: 337 ✭✭✭

    @Hajra

    Congrats that you and your spouse are getting closer during these times that is so wonderful. Love the cooking and cleaning together that is nice.

    I am experiencing challenges but hoping it will get better.

  • MenopauseorjustmeMenopauseorjustme Posts: 430 Menopause Nurse Practitioner

    @Hajra

    That's really good that when you were forced to spend more time together you pulled together as a team. That demonstrates the bond you both have.


    Best wishes

    Diane Porterfield Bourne.

  • James AdamsJames Adams Posts: 2

    I'm here as a husband, trying to support my 39 yr old wife who started early menopause about 12 months ago. We have a 2 year old daughter, to whom I'm the primary caregiver. I'm also the sole breadwinner.

    We're yet to find a an HRT solution that works, as she has a fibroid and experiences heavy bleeding as a result of the estrogen. She had a coil fitted recently so we're optimistic that will yield better results. My wife doesn't really sleep, has very low appetite and consequently very low energy, as well as low self-esteem and feelings of guilt for her lack of contribution to our home life.

    Alongside menopause, my wife suffers from anxiety and depression, for which she takes medication. She's also suffered a couple of broken bones recently - one in her wrist from tripping over, and then in her foot from kicking something accidentally. All of which incapacitates her further.

    I'm really struggling. The weight of responsibility for every aspect of our life, particularly throughout the confines of lock-down, feels overwhelming at times.

    I'm not as patient and supportive as I should be, and blame her for things she may not have much control over. Being clumsy or thoughtless for example, which I suspect are symptoms of her condition.

    I don't know what I'm hoping for by posting this. Advice for how I can be better I suppose.

  • MenopauseorjustmeMenopauseorjustme Posts: 430 Menopause Nurse Practitioner

    Dear @James Adams

    Thank you so much for writing in. Firstly I want to say you are doing an amazing job and you obviously care so much you are reaching out for support and advice. You are caring for your daughter, supporting your wife and running the home. This is brilliant.

    Your wife is very young to be experiencing these symptoms and if she is going through the early menopause she'll need quite a bit of medical support and investigations. Does her GP think its early menopause? If so what have they done about it? Do you or your GP think she has post natal depression? or has this been going on before you had your daughter?

    The fact she's getting fractures from possibly minor injuries is making me think why? Accidents happen but if they are from minor injuries I would like to push this further.

    What blood tests has she had? For menopause she'll need a few blood tests but also does she need her calcium checking too?

    Has any of her medications possibly contributed to any of her symptoms or fractures?

    Has the GP had an opinion about any Osteopenia? ( early osteoporosis).

    The coil helps many women, it is the best option, certainly in the early stages, so fingers crossed for her.

    If you both feel you need more information/support or interventions do talk to your GP.

    For women experiencing early menopause there is an excellent website called " daisy network". I strongly suggest looking on here and seeing if anything makes sense. Her mood is low, so who is helping her? Has the GP arranged counselling? would she go?

    HRT can improve the lives of many women but at the moment I think you need a diagnosis.


    Lastly I would see how you are being supported. We all struggle from time to time but life and responsibilities can get over whelming too. You are doing so much, please please seek support from family, friends, colleagues, GP and national helplines too.

    Please let us know how you get on with your wife's GP.

    We are only a click away too.

    You are doing a great job.

    Best wishes

    Diane Porterfield Bourne.

  • Blanka_CBlanka_C Posts: 406 Community Admin

    @James Adams

    Hi James, first of all, I just wanted to say that you are so brave for speaking up and posting this as a husband. This is a lovely little community with supportive members & experts and there's always a pair of ears on here to listen, even if you just need a chat.

    It's clear you have extremely lot going on, but you're doing a fantastic job with handling everything whilst fully supporting your wife. It's only natural to get overwhelmed from time to time.

    I can see our lovely menopause nurse Diane has already given some really valuable advice to you. Even though I'm not an expert myself, I wanted to share a couple of thoughts too, I hope you don't mind.

    First, please do have a look at The Daisy Network recommended by Diane. They have excellent resources and a support network specifically for premature menopause:


    We also have a range of resources that you might find useful to look into.


    Articles

    Useful apps


    Lastly, I wanted to share some personal experience with you. I'm not in the menopause myself yet (I'm in my late 20s), however I have years-long experience with mental health problems, specifically anxiety, severe mood swings and mild depression, for which I do take medication as well. I completely understand what you and your wife are going through; my partner and I struggle too. I'm always tired, but equally, cannot have a proper night's sleep. Sometimes my entire body aches. I started to be forgetful. The other I wanted to take the dog out - I dressed up, got my keys, shut the door behind me and then I realised - THE DOG! Poor guy was sitting in the middle of the hallway totally confused. :D Sometimes it's funny and we just laugh at it but most of the time it's causing unnecessary stress. I take Omega3 / fish oil and it helps a little. I think tiredness & forgetfulness can be a side effect of anti-depressants, @Diane Porterfield-Bourne, please do correct me if I'm wrong!

    I just finished my Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) and I really recommend it. It's all about learning how your thoughts, moods, emotions, physical sensations and environment is connected. I found it very useful, I learnt a lot about different techniques to manage anxiety and increase my self-esteem.


    I hope this helps a little James. Apologies for writing an essay basically. But please do remember you're doing amazing and you're not alone. Feel free to drop me a message anytime if you need someone to chat to.


    Best,

    Blanka

  • Blanka_CBlanka_C Posts: 406 Community Admin

    HA! Well, I forgot to mention the one key thing...😂

    We just launched our new website for Stress & Anxiety specifically, it's full of resources, breathing exercises, helpful guides etc to cope. Feel free to look at it here:

    If you'd ever like to talk to someone about anxiety & low self-esteem, you can also write to our Self-care & Mindfulness Coach, Shanley at:


  • James AdamsJames Adams Posts: 2

    Thank you @Diane Porterfield-Bourne and @Blanka_C for your responses, tips and resources.

    My mother-in-law went through early menopause at 38, which is when my wife's started, approx 12 months ago. This has been confirmed tests via the GP approx 6 months ago. She has more blood tests next week. There is a history of osteoporosis in the family, which I think is compounded by the calcium deficiency that seems to be part of her menopause.

    We're in week 2 of MPowder and there is no doubt for us that her energy levels and general well-being have improved. She was able to go swimming yesterday now that lock-down has lifted, which benefited both her mental well being and ability to sleep more soundly last night. We've also registered via the NHS Service Therapy4You for couples counselling, starting the new year with the goal of improving our communication.

    It hadn't occured to me to check the side-effects of Sertraline to see if that could be contributing to the propensity for broken bones, but I will now.

    Thank you both for the resources. I'll share them with her today. This community and service offers an invaluable pool of knowledge helping address what I'm coming to realise is such a misunderstood condition.

  • MenopauseorjustmeMenopauseorjustme Posts: 430 Menopause Nurse Practitioner

    @James Adams I am really pleased your wife is starting to feel a bit better. Exercise can make a huge difference to wellbeing.

    On a different note if they think she is in early menopause I would strongly advice hormone therapy. If she has a lack of hormones it can impact upon her physical health. There is nothing more beneficial than replacing the hormones, either in the combined contraceptive pill or HRT.

    Sertraline has many benefits but like all medications side effects too, another being reduced libido..

    Good luck and if you or your wife need to chat please contact us on Live Better With.

    Best wishes

    Diane Porterfield Bourne.

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