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Intimacy in my relationship

JaneJJaneJ Posts: 1

I have struggled since I had a full hysterectomy at the age of 40 with intimacy with my husband.  At first neither of us realised that vaginal dryness can be a side effect of the menopause.  As time went on this became a real problem for us with my husband feeling pushed away and me feeling that I couldn't cuddle him or just have a cwtch as he then thought that I was signalling that it was alright to have sexual intercourse which was so painful and even led to bleeding.  We were almost at the point where he was considering moving out.  Then I did some reading about the menopause and talked to him about what I was finding out and we tried many things to make intimacy pleasurable as it had been before menopause.  Sadly, we did not find anything which really helped.  We did however, learn to talk about these issues with each other and we have both agreed that although we no longer have sexual intercourse we have lovely cuddles and cwtches which satisfies both of us, as we have both grieved for the loss of this togetherness.  We are now 12 years into and coming out the other side of menopause and if anything our love for each other has got stronger than ever.


  • Julie20Julie20 Posts: 345 mod

    Hi @JaneJ it's so great to hear someone saying they have managed to understand and work out their sexual desires through menopause. It sounds like you have a very understanding husband.

    It is a huge problem during menopause that women lose their sex drive and it seems that after a hysterectomy it becomes non existent for a lot of ladies so to know that you have conquered this problem is wonderful.

    Thank you for sharing and hopefully other ladies will feel able to speak to their partners and get an understanding of this. X

  • MenopauseorjustmeMenopauseorjustme Posts: 433 Menopause Nurse Practitioner


    Thank you for writing in and discussing a personal issue. It's vital we discuss vaginal dryness which happens to many women during the menopause. You seems have addressed the closeness and intimacy in your relationship. However vaginal dryness affects much more than having sexual intercourse. The inability to have a smear, having frequent urine infections, irritation, itch can be very significant.

    It is often something women do not talk to their GP's about but vaginal oestrogen can make a significant improvement to your genitals. Your GP can prescribe this and it is very safe. Also there are some vaginal moisturisers and lubricants that help too. You can buy these over the counter.

    You had a hysterectomy some years ago... so menopause can happen quickly.

    I know you posted a while a go but I just wanted to add to what @Julie20 said too.

    Thank you for writing in.

    Good luck.

    Best Wishes

    Diane Porterfield Bourne.

  • Smithy01Smithy01 Posts: 1

    Hi I had a hysterectomy & ovaries removed. I have lost my sex drive we had a good sex life before the op My hubby and I do discuss and he’s very good but we both miss it

    is there anything I can take or do to regain my sex drive

    my doctors not much help

  • Blanka_CBlanka_C Posts: 406 Community Admin

    Hi @Smithy01,

    Sorry to hear you're going through this, but it's great your hubby is so supportive. :)

    We have a menopause nurse on here, @DianePorterfield-Bourne, who might be able to advise you on this. I tagged her in this discussion, so she'll respond soon.

    In the meantime, we've written a couple of good resources that you might find useful to look at. They're full of tips (including product recommendations) from ladies in our community.

    Hope this helps a little.



  • MonicaMMonicaM Posts: 337 ✭✭✭


    I totally understand what you are going through, my husband and I have been struggling in this area and it is so frustrating it makes me angry because my mind wants to do it but my body does not. It has been very challenging in our marriage we are trying to find ways of intimacy. I am currently taking testerone gel, progesterone and yuvafem and I am hoping this will help with the low sex drive, hot flushes and night sweats.

    I am 52 and would love to have sex again without any issues 😀

  • MenopauseorjustmeMenopauseorjustme Posts: 433 Menopause Nurse Practitioner


    Good evening. Thank you @Blanka_C and @MonicaM for including me here.

    Thank you for writing in. When things are troubling us and affecting our health, life and relationships we all need advice and support. That is what we are here to do... listen and support.

    I'm pleased you wrote in as you have had a hysterectomy... when was this?

    Whether this was due to cancer or not you need to talk to your GP. Has HRT been prescribed? Discussed? If not, why not?

    If it was due to Oestrogen fed cancers, it is unlikely you will be able to have HRT but it is worth a discussion with your GP or an oncologist. But there are other prescribed medications you can have.

    If you didn't have any cancer I would suggest talking to your GP about HRT.

    You are in the menopause and I think you are experiencing oestrogen deficiency. If you can take HRT it should vastly improve your symptoms and help your libido. Testosterone replacement is a very important part of HRT and many women do not understand it's importance.

    I hope you get to discuss this with your GP. There are also other avenues such as counselling but HRT should be addressed first.

    Please keep in touch with me, you can PM me here if you would like to talk in more detail.

    Best Wishes

    Diane Porterfield Bourne.

  • Blanka_CBlanka_C Posts: 406 Community Admin

    @Smithy01 @Jane

    Hello ladies, hope you're doing well!

    Just wanted to let you know that we have a live menopause Q&A with @DianePorterfield-Bourne over Zoom this Friday! Thought you might be interested in joining.

    We will be covering a range of topics, including:

     ✅ The stages and common symptoms of the menopause

     ✅ Anxiety, mood changes and feeling stressed

     ✅ HRT - facts, risks and benefits

     ✅ Lifestyle choices to live better with the menopause

    You will have the opportunity to listen in and ask questions live, using the chat function - don’t worry, you won’t need to use your camera or mic. 😏

    Date and time: 6pm - 6.30pm BST, Friday 26th June

    Where: Zoom

    How to join: Simply click on the following link at 6pm on the day: https://us02web.zoom.us/j/84236189200

    Hope to see you there.

    Let me know if you have questions!

    Blanka x

    Community Admin

  • MenopauseorjustmeMenopauseorjustme Posts: 433 Menopause Nurse Practitioner

    @Smithy01 @Jane

    Thank you @Blanka_C

    It will be great if you could listen in and ask some questions too. Many women find their relationships suffer during menopause but don't talk about it.

    I'll look forward to you joining us tomorrow teatime.

    Best Wishes

    Diane Porterfield Bourne.

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