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Help!

When I stumbled upon this Q&A I breathed a sigh of relief. My mother has Vasc Dementia, she is only 74 and is an extremely intelligent proud lady who now doesn't shower or look after herself, she has lost all communication skills and relies solely on my poor dad with assistance from me also. I struggle because I have an autistic daughter and also run a business of my own, but I am with them about 4 to 5 hours a day. Dad can't cope and has aged so much, he isn't giving mum the care she needs either but refuses to place mum in a home (which is where she needs to be)

No agencys are involved with mum and dad, they have a lot of money and so are classed as self funders. Paid help isn't an option at the moment because of the lockdown, there is no where to take mum out to give dad respite so it just doesn't work. Something is going to go badly wrong I just know it. I have spoken to the doctors, to social services and to the local mental health team who are all adamant that there is no help that they can offer us. Mum and dad are just left to get on with it, it is purely horrific. I just don't know where to turn for help. I feel that someone should be engaging with mum and dad to offer assistance, mum hasn't even seen a doctor since diagnosis 4 years ago. Mum also has terminal cancer and I think they are just waiting for her to die so it takes the problem away but she could live for another 3 years by which time I would guess it will kill dad (who is otherwise healthy ) anyway.

I'm sorry for the rant, but I dont know which way to turn. I guess I'm asking, should mum and dad be getting some sort of help? (By this I don't mean financial) Should they be under someone (medical or psychiatry) Should mum be on medication? All of these questions have never been answered, no one seems to know.


Kindest Regards Paula

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