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Coping with loss and if I did enough as a caregiver

After a brief battle with ovarian cancer, my 85-year old mom died peacefully in her sleep at the end of July. Watching her decline was so painful. Sad that a disease transforms someone who was so strong and independent throughout her life into someone who virtually could not do anything for herself in the end. It's been a month and I am still second-guessing myself if I made the right decisions as a caregiver. Since her diagnosis I have been living back in the old family home. It still feels so sad and lonely here as her death marked the loss of my second parent.


  • RobertARobertA Posts: 1,273 ✭✭✭✭✭


    Hi Jeff

    I am so sorry to hear that you have lost your Mom. I recall your earlier posts and I know from them that you gave her all the love and care that you were able to. I am sure that she was really comforted to know that you were there for her when she needed you most. I am a lot older than you and I lost my Mom twenty years ago when she was 84. I remember feeling then that maybe I could have done more for her whilst she was alive, but looking back, I realise that, like you, I was there and I did my best and that is all we can do.

    I hope that in time, you will be able to live comfortably in your old home and smile at the memories of the good times you enjoyed together.

    Take care Jeff.


  • LouiseJLouiseJ Posts: 789 ✭✭✭✭✭


    Hi Jeff,

    I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your Mom, understandably it must be a great shock even if expected. I think in the midst of grief it is not unusual to question ourselves and decisions that were made previously, wondering if they were the right ones. As Rob has already said I am sure you did everything possible to help your Mom, and she knew how much you loved her. Please don't berate yourself, losing both parents does have an effect on you too, even as an adult. I remember when mine both died, it was a very strange time.

    Thinking of you, please know we are here to listen or chat at any time, you are not on your own.

    Take care,

    Lou xx

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