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Cancer returning

mandyb123mandyb123 Posts: 2

Hi all I had my last chemo in December 2018 and apart from hot flushes I've been OK I had a p e t scan recently and I have one lump by my renal artery and a couple in my stomach my doc wants me to start chemo again I feel like a bloody failure like I've let everyone down how can I tell my family I again have hodgkins lymphoma I no its back as I'm worn out a lot I also have bouts of sickness and the other I have stomach ache a lot also how can I tell them I have 4 kids but they are all adults now


  • SunshinedaffSunshinedaff Posts: 1,425 ✭✭✭✭✭


    Hi Mandy

    It is good to hear from you again, I am so sorry the PET scan revealed you require further chemotherapy, I can understand how terrible that must be to deal with.

    I would like to say though, you are absolutely NOT, I repeat NOT a failure. This is not down to you doing something or not doing something. You have done NOTHING wrong. Really I mean that. You have not let anyone down.

    I am sure your family will be very upset, of course, you are very loved by them, but they will not see this as your fault.

    I hope you will feel able to let them know very soon, as they are adults hopefully they will be able to give you support.

    I know you have been very active in the past helping others on a regular basis, which is wonderful, please take some time to put yourself first.

    Unfortunately there is nothing we can really do to make sure we never get cancer. It strikes anyone in any walk of life, whether fit and healthy or not fit and healthy. There is no distinction. How we wish there was, we'd all be living very differently. Of course there are certain things that may or may not help to prevent it, but it isn't a foolproof plan.

    I would also encourage you to get in touch with the Macmillan Cancer Support group, they can provide support to you in many ways. But also you know you can come here and chat, there are several resources available here in the community you can access. @Untire_App and @KarinSieger are just two of the people who are available at any time.

    All of us here in the community are here for you too, you are not alone, I hope you will feel able to keep in touch with how you are doing.

    Lou x

  • KarinSiegerKarinSieger Posts: 98 Emotional Wellbeing Advisor

    @mandyb123 @Sunshinedaff

    Hi Mandy,

    I have just read your message and Lou's response, which I wholeheartedly agree with.

    For what it's worth, when I was rediagnosed with breast cancer a sense of embarrassment started to flash past. A mix of disappointment (ie here we go again) and worry (where will it end, will I be strong enough), worries about my family and friends (how much more are they prepared to take) and self-blame (what had I done 'wrong' for the cancer to come back).

    But I also decided to knock that thinking on the head, very quickly and firmly. The reality, whether we like it or not, is that cancer can come back (several times). Remission is not guaranteed. Medics and patients can only do so much. If it was any different, cancer would be curable.

    I know this may sound harsh and it is what we tend to avoid thinking about.

    But feeling guilty will achieve only one thing - it'll take valuable energy from you and those around you. When you need this energy to get ready for chemo and look after yourself and keep going.

    If you look around here on the forum and elsewhere you will come across many in a similar boat. You are not alone. You, like everybody else, don't deserve to put yourself down. It's not fair and most importantly there is no need for it.

    Sending you very best wishes, and do feel free to reach out or to keep us posted here.


    Karin Sieger
    Psychotherapist | Cancer Counsellor  | Reg. MBACP (Accred)

  • Untire_AppUntire_App Posts: 20 Cancel Related Fatigue Experts

    @mandyb123 @Sunshinedaff @KarinSieger

    Hi Mandy, Glad you found the community and shared your story. All the previous points from Karin and Lou are spot on. Negative thoughts will only drain energy. Reoccurence is unfortunately something that many individuals have gone through while those who have not often face fear and anxiety (fear of reoccurence) as well. It's okay to have negative thoughts at times but those thoughts can continue and create a vicious circle. This is where negativity emotions lead to poor sleeping, depression and reduced activity creating a cause and effect cycle that can be hard to break from. We have a section about this in the Untire app that may help you find strategies to cope with all the different emotions you are feeling right now. Staying positive, remaining active and finding support will all help you as you move forward in your journey. Remember you are not alone. Being able to talk about this with your friends, family and others is a big part of the support that you will need to get through treatment. You will get through it. We are all here for you. Do keep us updated and let us know if we can do anything more to support you.

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  • RobertARobertA Posts: 1,273 ✭✭✭✭✭


    Hi Mandy

    There is nothing I can really add to the comments already made but I would like to add my own reassurance that you are not alone, you are amongst friends here.

    Rob x

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