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Why me? Why her?

Why am I now clear of cancer but my friend died last week?

Why do I feel so guilty?

How do I face her husband and children next week at the funeral?

I still have a huge journey ahead of me and still waiting for the results of genetic testing for Lynch syndrome

can anyone help telling me how I deal with this guilt?

Sally

Comments

  • SunshinedaffSunshinedaff Posts: 1,437 ✭✭✭✭✭

    @Sallyyorks

    Hi Sally,

    I am so very sorry to hear about the loss of your friend, truly that is heartbreaking for you and her family.

    It is so incredibly hard to lose someone close to us and when you are both dealing with cancer to find yourself being the one who makes it through is overwhelmingly difficult.

    We have no answers for why this happens, I have lost immediate family to cancer, and I have survived it.

    I would think your friend would say don't feel guilty, live your life to its fullest with every opportunity you are given.

    You are grieving and in pain for your friend and I am sure her family will be pleased ( wrong word, but can't think of another! ) you have joined them to mourn with them as her friend and celebrate her life also. I doubt they will be thinking 'why her and not you'.

    Just from reading your post you sound kind and thoughtful and sensitive, I expect your friend was the same.

    Try not to let the guilt overwhelm you, because then cancer does more damage than it already has.

    I am so glad you found us here, you are really welcome, please feel free to chat anytime about anything.

    Thoughts are with you during this very sad time,

    Lou x

  • SallyyorksSallyyorks Posts: 6

    Thank you so much for your response. I’m feeling very emotional today x x

  • SunshinedaffSunshinedaff Posts: 1,437 ✭✭✭✭✭

    I understand, here anytime

    🤗

    x

  • RobertARobertA Posts: 1,273 ✭✭✭✭✭

    @Sallyyorks @Sunshinedaff

    Hi Sally

    I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your friend. I agree with everything that Lou has said and I am sure that your friend’s family will welcome your support.

    From what you say, you still have a long way to go yourself and I do hope that the results of the genetic tests preclude Lynch syndrome.

    It is good that you have found us. There are some amazing, friendly and caring people in this community and we love to chat and to support each other.

    Rob x

  • SunshinedaffSunshinedaff Posts: 1,437 ✭✭✭✭✭

    @Sallyyorks

    Hi Sally,

    You have been in my thoughts this last week. I hope the funeral of your friend and meeting with her family went as peacefully as possible, even though very emotional I am sure.

    Take care,

    Lou x

  • 4Gretton4Gretton Posts: 39 ✭✭✭

    It’s a tough one. I know how you feel. I am going to a funeral myself tomorrow. A friend was diagnosed with colon cancer just after I’d had the same diagnosis. We shared waiting rooms and the dark humour that only those going through it understand. I then found that as well as a small spot on my lung, it had spread to my liver just as he too found he had spread to liver too. I told him he’d be ok. Like you, I now feel guilty-here I am ... tomorrow I’ll be at his funeral. We owe it to those we lose and to the families and friends that stand by us to stay strong I guess. It’s bloody hard sometimes though, isn’t it. Let’s keep plodding on and putting a smile on our faces, even when we don’t always feel like it in their honour. And let’s make sure that on the good days, we make sure we enjoy and make the most of every minute. Our little community is behind you buddy

    Best wishes

  • RobertARobertA Posts: 1,273 ✭✭✭✭✭

    @4Gretton

    Hi, I am so sorry to hear about your friend. It must have been very painful for you to go through so much together and then to lose him. Your comments have struck a chord with me. We do owe it to be strong for the ones who don’t make it, family, friends and other people coping with this awful disease and its treatments, but we also need to be kind to ourselves through our own struggles. I feel sure that your friend’s family appreciate the friendship and support you gave him.

    I remember that your family raised a lot of money for Queenscourt Hospice last summer. My wife, Mary still does regular voluntary work at Day Hospice here in Jersey and I know she finds it hard when they lose someone but like you and your family, she makes a difference and the families often ask to meet her.

    I love this Community and all of the lovely kind and caring people who write in to support and help one another.

    Rob x

  • LouiseJLouiseJ Posts: 789 ✭✭✭✭✭

    @4Gretton

    Hi, I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your friend, Sorry I meant to message you last night. I was thinking of you today, it is always so hard during these times. I love your thinking and agree with Rob too. There are times when we won't ever really get answers as to why things happen the way they do, we do need to to take time to reflect, cherish memories of those we have lost, and then as you say live each day we are given as best as we can.

    Wishing you peace and comfort at this sad time, sending a huge hug,

    Lou xx

  • 4Gretton4Gretton Posts: 39 ✭✭✭

    Thank you Lou. As is often the case, there were tears and laughter today. It was good to meet Richards children and grandchildren for the first time (they live abroad) and see his face and mannerisms in them. He had strong genes. His sense of humour was reflected in the playing of the Monty Python,”always look on the bright side of life” as one of the eulogists said he was a cup half full man.....never half empty -a great example.

  • 4Gretton4Gretton Posts: 39 ✭✭✭

    Thank you @RobertA for your kind words. I agree that this is a great community we have here.

    To add to the money raised by my children for Queenscourt this year, I decided to give all the money I would have spent on Christmas cards and the postage to the hospice and posted my intentions on FB. One of my buddies pointed out that anyone not on FB may well have misconstrued my lack of card this year and think I’ve popped my clogs. It will be interesting seeing their faces when I next bump into them if that’s the case!! I guess that’s my dark humour popping up again!

    Love to you and yours x

  • LouiseJLouiseJ Posts: 789 ✭✭✭✭✭

    @4Gretton @RobertA

    Good morning😊

    Haha, that made me smile, we were only talking about our dark humour the other day. I have always found humour in the darkest of places, it has probably saved me at times. I am definitely a glass half full person too!

    As for the xmas cards, haha, that is funny!! 😄

    Have a good day,

    Lou xx

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