The good the bad and the ugly....

SunshinedaffSunshinedaff Posts: 877 ✭✭✭✭✭

Hi everyone,

I've thought a lot about whether to share this with you, but it's real and living with cancer can be good, bad and ugly. This is one of the ugly days.

Please feel free to skip reading this now if you think it will hinder your own journey through cancer. ( I was very careful about what I read during and after treatment, so I will not be offended).



My day today has been heartbreaking..

A few weeks ago I found out a friend of mine had been diagnosed with pancreatic and liver cancer. She had started chemo, but last night we heard she had been given two days to live. Unbelievable! Devastating!

We spoke with her husband who said something along the lines of..'we are letting her go on ahead of us, we will meet her there, we know where she is going'. Such courage, faith and bravery. I hardly slept.

This morning we heard the news, she left early in the morning.

Just like that.

Gone.

This morning she was met in heaven by one of our dear friends, I am sure they are catching up, celebrating. Although I know she is in a better place, it has not been a good day, my heart hurts. She leaves a lovely husband, a beautiful family and many, many friends.

I hate cancer so much, but I refuse to live in fear of it or let it stop me living.

This community is here to support, encourage and at times weep with you. Sometimes there are painful moments, just know we are still there for you in those days.

Lou x

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Comments

  • gloden02gloden02 Posts: 51 ✭✭

    Hi Lou. Just read your post. Oh how cruel is this cancer. So sorry for the loss of your friend. The words of her husband got me in tears. Such beautiful meaningful words. Do you think one day there will be a cure for this vile thing? I sincerely hope so for our children and grandchildren. Hope you are feeling ok. I’ve got a lot of tummy troubles and back ache. I have IBS so thinking it might be that. Felt bit low lately so that’s when it creeps in. Seeing my go on Thursday. Hoping she will suggest something to sort me out. Good news is my hair is really growing well. Bit of me back. Lots of love and hugs. Gloria xxx

  • jacksprat_x1jacksprat_x1 Posts: 179 ✭✭✭

    O Lou, I am so sorry for you and your dear friends and their family.

    This thing that violates our bodies is cruel and merciless. When we feel strong we think I’ve got this it’s not beating me, but on a day like this,leaves one feeling afraid, angry and bereft.

    The one thing is that your beloved friend will suffer no more from the anguish, fear and pain. I believe that she will go onto a better existence and will look forward to the day when you will all meet again. In the meantime it is the family and friends that are left behind trying to cope with their loss of a bright light in their lives extinguished except when they remember all the good times. Try to hold on to those Lou. I am thinking of you today. Take care.

    Love Jackie xx 💖🙋‍♀️

  • LouiseJLouiseJ Posts: 361 mod

    @gloden02 @jacksprat_x1

    Hi Gloria, Jackie, dear friends, thank you so much for your lovely messages, it really means a lot to me.

    It has been a very strange, horrid few days, very surreal really. I do take comfort in that she is no longer suffering, or in pain. All of that has gone. You are right, it is those of us left behind who struggle to come to terms with the separation, even though I know it is a temporary one and we will meet again. She was a wedding planner and I expect she is already planning the best wedding of the entire universe! Haha.

    We went out on Friday with some friends and had some time just sharing memories, raising a glass in her honour.

    It is horrible that not everyone gets to see the other side of cancer in this earthly life, like you Gloria I hope and pray one day as medical research continues to make breakthroughs we will see fruit of that for the generations to follow. Meanwhile we press on, continuing deny cancer the satisfaction of ruining our lives no matter how hard it tries.

    Gloria, I am really sorry to hear you have been feeling low and the IBS and back pain is causing you trouble. Bless you, please come and chat to us, especially when you are feeling low. We are friends here, you have support and friendship here, good times and bad times. I hope your Dr appointment goes ok on Thursday. Lovely to hear your hair is growing back, any surprises there in the colour or anything?

    I hope you are both resting (and Norm too, Jackie), chat to you soon,

    Love ❤️

    Lou x

  • JerseyBobJerseyBob Posts: 48 mod
    edited May 20

    @LouiseJ

    Hi Lou

    Thank you for sharing your sad news - I am so sorry for the loss of your friend. How lovely going out with friends, sharing memories and raising a glass in her honour.

    Your loss is a reminder that our illness has brought us all together and we will continue to be here to support one another for the long haul whatever that may bring.

    Rob x

  • jacksprat_x1jacksprat_x1 Posts: 179 ✭✭✭

    Hi Lou, Rob, Lesley and dear friends.

    Poor Jasper, our retriever, they say trouble comes in three’s! What a week! My chemo week, Norman stent and subsequent re-admittance to hospital, he is ok now had ltrouble with post op pain, all ok just settling in now and Jasper had surgery on his ear! Hospital, vet, hospital, vet! Vet! Vet!

    Thank goodness for family! My James who stayed with Norm after work till he got on a ward. Waited from 4 till 10.30 for A bed. My brother David picked Jasper up post op same day! and settled him in for the night then took him to check up with Norm on Friday as he couldn’t drive for a week. Also Norman’s sister who took me to Chemo and picked me up after she had taken Norman’s Mum Betty to ultrascan at a different location.

    Last night pain meds caused loose tum for Jasper outside front door so I was carrying hot bowl of dettol water to front door and dropped it! All over flooring in the Hall. Hope it dries out under the strip floor! Hurt my hand on radiator so had a blooming good swear, flounced off to bed saying I’ve had enough, first major meltdown, so not doing bad in 6 months! Norm said it was coming! Haha! Guess he was right. Took him to vet sat morning after a bad night of pain and call to vet at 3.40 am told give a paracetamol. It worked after an hour!! and not much sleep for any of us. All calm today! Happy bank hol weekend to you all. Our time is coming! 🙋‍♀️💖 have a nice cold drink for us! 😂. Jac and Norm

    ps update

    Norm and I ok now chemo went really well this time. Norm stent settled in but we’ve are sooooo tired. Both very ratty but that’s got to stop! I’m changing that frown to a smile! Haha. I wonder how long that will last! Poor Jasper is not well tho, meds causing blood loss in his motions, been sick and not eating at all yesterday or drinking much. Yet more vet call time! He said stop meds bring him in tomorrow Tues. eek! Poor baby. He’s in a muddle poor boy. Norm slept with him two nights on the sofa on protective sheets on the lounge floor! They had a peaceful one last night.

    We need a music practice fix!

    I am so sorry to hear that so many of you have had your sad losses and trials to overcome but please let’s continue to help support each other in our times of need. This site is so good and I hope you all have a restful day with something in it cause a laugh, some solace and pleasure as although there are troubles to overcome we are all still hereto tell the tale!

    And my Amber Sam Teddy and Ivy come home from their holiday in Bulgaria on Thursday so lots to look forward to there. Xx


    Luv Jackie 💖🙋‍♀️😘

  • jacksprat_x1jacksprat_x1 Posts: 179 ✭✭✭

    Job Lou, if you wonder why I wasn’t with Norm. The Ambulance paramedics wouldn’t let time accompany him because of threat to my neutrapenia and threat of catching something in a&e. I had to wave him goodbye in the ambulance! Luckily my friend Joan across the road was in her front garden open mouthed in surprise and made me a stronger cup of tea and stayed till my brother came to pick Jasper up. O boy what a week!

    I hope you and the family are well.

    Luv Jackie 🙋‍♀️Xx

  • jacksprat_x1jacksprat_x1 Posts: 179 ✭✭✭

    Job Lou? My fingers sorry!

    Dear Lou should be. Xx

  • SunshinedaffSunshinedaff Posts: 877 ✭✭✭✭✭

    @jacksprat_x1

    Jackie! I was just about to message you and then you posted this!

    Oh you and Norm have been through so much in such a short space of time and poor Jasper too. How completely horrible for you all. I am so glad the family and friends stepped in to help you get to everywhere you needed to be.

    I can well imagine the scene trying to clean up mess and sleeping on the floor with Jasper, had all of that with Charlie cat when he had his tumour removed and then caught MRSA. It's a nightmare isn't it, our pets become unwell, and the vets! Oh the vets!! !!!!

    I am not surprised you had a meltdown! Any one of those things is enough in itself, put all three together, well that's not a good recipe.

    I am so sorry Jasper is still struggling, I hope the visit to the vets will be more helpful.

    It is good news that Norm has turned a corner, and you have managed another chemo in the middle of all of this. Superwoman!

    Ooh poor Jasper, those cones are horrid for them, bless him.

    So glad you made contact, hang in there Jackie, you will all get through this. I hope you get to spend some lovely time with your family and are able to get some much needed rest.

    Sending big hugs,

    Chat soon

    Lou xx

  • SunshinedaffSunshinedaff Posts: 877 ✭✭✭✭✭

    Jackie, that must have been so awful seeing Norm go off in the ambulance. That is so distressing. Thank goodness your neighbour was on hand, of course the paramedics were quite right in not letting you go.

    Bless you, you've had a tough time in these recent weeks.

    🤗🤗

    Lou xxx

  • jacksprat_x1jacksprat_x1 Posts: 179 ✭✭✭

    ah thank you for all your encouragement Lou. It’s been tough! It’s so awful when pets are sick too, they can’t tell us but we have to be vigilant read their body language. He turned down fresh cold chicken and rice today but the vet said he is big and go 4 days without food. I’m using small syringe to skirt in water to try and keep him hydrated. My friend is freaking out about me touching him but I’m wearing gloves. O dear I hope he recovers soon. A retriever off food a rare thing! Haha

    take care luv Jackie xxx 🙋‍♀️

  • RobertARobertA Posts: 727 ✭✭✭✭✭

    @jacksprat_x1

    Good evening Jackie

    My goodness, you have been in the wars. I am pleased to hear that Norm and yourself are through the worst and thank goodness for your lovely family and friend. I hope that Jasper has had a better day - he looks so sad and poorly in your photograph.

    I have just got back from Cheshire and met up with Ron who has given me 12 new poems - yes 12!!! I think he is on a roll. Trust you and Norm will be making music again very soon - that will help your smiles 🎤🥁😀🙋‍♂️

    Lovely to hear from you again Jackie.

    Rob xx

  • jacksprat_x1jacksprat_x1 Posts: 179 ✭✭✭

    @RobertA

    Good Evening to you too Rob.

    Glad you have had a good meeting with Ron. He has been very busy. Hope you enjoy them.

    Thank you for your good wishes. We have had a week of it but thank goodness Norman is improving but we have been very tired with all that has taken place. Jasper is improving gradually and had the grannies scarf came off today bless him and has had his first bite and drink today so hopefully is on the mend.

    I hope you have a good week. Be in touch soon.

    Take care

    Luv Jackie x 🙋‍♀️

  • LouiseJLouiseJ Posts: 361 mod

    @RobertA

    Morning Rob, 😊

    So glad you had a great weekend with family and friends. One of the plus's of coming back over here is you will be able to see them more often.

    And more poems to write music for! That will give you a break from the packing up of the house and decorating!

    Chat later,

    Lou xx

  • LesleyLesley Posts: 147 ✭✭✭

    Oh! Jackie Lou and Rob ,just been reading your post, Lou and Jackie you have had so much to cope with just lately, I cried! I've been so self absorbed and feeling sorry for myself it made me realise it's not all about me, I do hope things are looking up now for you! I dragged myself up and gave myself a shake today and the sun shone for a while this morning! Can see the end of the tunnel at last! Take care my lovely friends!

  • SunshinedaffSunshinedaff Posts: 877 ✭✭✭✭✭
    edited May 29

    @Lesley

    Hi Lesley, don't you dare apologise!! You are going through treatment that is taking it's toll on your body. You are meant to be concentrating on you!

    Brilliant that you were able to make it out today and while the sun was here! Impressive as it had been raining here most of the day! Haha! You are almost there for this bit, it is fantastic. 😀.

    Very glad to see you here with us again Lesley!! You have been missed a lot!

    😊🤗

    Lou xxx

  • LesleyLesley Posts: 147 ✭✭✭

    Yes I'm back! Hanging in there! Xxx

  • RobertARobertA Posts: 727 ✭✭✭✭✭

    @Lesley

    Dear Lesley

    It IS about you. It is about all of us - that is why we are here, to encourage and support one another through the good times and the bad. You are a very special friend and it is lovely to see you posting again.

    Rob xx

  • jacksprat_x1jacksprat_x1 Posts: 179 ✭✭✭

    @Lesley @RobertA @Sunshinedaff

    Hi Lesley, welcome back! Lovely to hear from you again! If my wet floor got you back it was worth it and I’d do it again! Haha!

    Bless you. I hope you are coping with your treatment ok. I have been thinking of you lately. Don’t feel guilty at all you have every right going what you are going through. I hope it’s not tougher than you can bear. You are a fighter Lesley you will get through this. We are all backing you.

    Good news is Both my boys have recovered! I’m doing ok and feel much better mentally and emotionally now that I know that they are ok.

    I wish you all a peaceful and enjoyable weekend.

    Take care dear friends.

    luv Jackie xxx 💖🙋‍♀️

    First walk in a week or so this morning. 😀

  • SunshinedaffSunshinedaff Posts: 877 ✭✭✭✭✭

    @jacksprat_x1

    Hi Jackie,

    I am so glad to see a lovely photo of Jasper and Norm out and about. You must be so relieved! How long does Jasper need the cone on? I can imagine the stress levels being very high and potentially causing you more distress.

    I am so pleased you are feeling more at peace and less stressed now. I hope you have a good, peaceful weekend too.

    Sending big hugs 🤗🤗

    Lou xx

  • RobertARobertA Posts: 727 ✭✭✭✭✭

    @jacksprat_x1

    Morning Jackie

    Fantastic to see the boys out and about and that you are feeling so much better.

    It is the Jersey Motor Show today and the Sun is shining so I am looking forward to dreaming about my next racer🏎🚗.

    Ron has given me some new poems and I have not forgotten your kind offer to sing for us. 🎤

    Have a lovely weekend everyone.

    Rob x

  • JerseyBobJerseyBob Posts: 48 mod

    @jacksprat_x1

    Hi Jackie

    I hope that you and the boys are still doing well.

    The Jersey Motor Show was fantastic and the weather was great. There were lots of Minis. I think it is celebrating its 60th birthday this year.

    This one attracted a lot of smiles.

    Rob xx


  • SunshinedaffSunshinedaff Posts: 877 ✭✭✭✭✭

    I think the wheels need to be a bit bigger, then they might fit the car better!!!😂😂😂

  • RobertARobertA Posts: 727 ✭✭✭✭✭

    @Sunshinedaff

    🤣🤣

    At least I could get in and out without needing a hoist. The last time I was in a mini it took me 10 minutes to fold myself in and then I couldn’t get out again. 🤔

  • jacksprat_x1jacksprat_x1 Posts: 179 ✭✭✭

    @RobertA @Sunshine15

    Hello Dear Friends!

    Thank you for your kind messages. I’m sorry I didn’t reply before. I have had a busy week with all three med appointments, Norms, mine and Jaspers. Norm is going for treadmill test on 19/06 to check all ok before returning to work, a DVLA requirement very sensible! He is recovering well looks much better! Jasper too eating well again, keeps sitting by his biscuit cupboard! Got used to temptations to get him to eat! Had his stitches out. Still has some fluid in ear flap seeing vet tomorrow for check up.

    I had my 7th chemo Friday went well! Just started yesterday with taste buds going and teeth sensation starting but that’s par for the course for 7 days now! Kept diary so now know what to expect when and what worked before. Teeth feel like when you have an injection and not quiteworn off!

    gremlins will come back 🙋‍♀️💖

  • jacksprat_x1jacksprat_x1 Posts: 179 ✭✭✭

    @Sunshinedaff @RobertA

    hi again, have trouble with texting running away! Very strange will sign out snd backback i. later to see if vlears xx

  • SunshinedaffSunshinedaff Posts: 877 ✭✭✭✭✭

    @jacksprat_x1

    Good morning Jackie!😊,

    Lovely to hear from you, I have been thinking about you.

    I am so glad to hear both Norm and Jasper are recovering well, Jasper must be very happy to be free of the cone!! 😊, Bless him sitting by the biscuit cupboard, haha, how do you resist that!! 😊.

    Wow, you are on no 7 chemo already. Brilliant! Great idea to keep a diary of how you feel etc which helps you for the next time. I remember the teeth, it's a very weird feeling, and of course the taste buds, have you found anything that helps you through these days yet? Particular food or drink?

    Hope you have a good day today, rest and chill out.

    Chat soon, sending hugs,

    🤗🤗

    Lou xx

  • RobertARobertA Posts: 727 ✭✭✭✭✭

    @jacksprat_x1

    Hi Jackie

    It sounds like a good week for you all at last. I am so pleased to know that Norman is looking and feeling better and he will probably be pleased to get back to work in a week or so.

    Haha, Jasper sounds like me, hanging around the biscuit cupboard. I am on a steroid treatment right now and eating everything in my path. Mary has actually hidden or eaten all the biscuits and is making me eat 🍎 and 🍇. Ah well, got a few of the grapes in the form of a bottle of Shiraz to go with dinner tonight.

    I am delighted to hear that you are coping with your chemo OK - and you are on your seventh round already. 😀

    Mary is at Hospice tomorrow and I am planning a day at the piano. 🎹🎼. Ron has given me some new poems so I will see what I can make of them.

    Chat soon

    Rob xx

  • jacksprat_x1jacksprat_x1 Posts: 179 ✭✭✭

    @RobertA

    Hi Rob.,

    Thank you feeling a lot better now! Think the gremlins on my messaging are gone now!

    Hope you had a good weekend. Me too on Steroids! Does make me want to stand by the biscuit barrel too!

    I hope you and Mary have a good day today. Glad to hear you are getting your fruit even if it is in liquid form haha Rob!

    We are all doing well even went 4 hrs of Stowmarket Blues fest to meet up with two friends who performed in two bands there. Was day after chemo with my pump on too! Was great after such a awful week to be in the fresh air.

    Hope you enjoy your music making today, look forward to hearing it.

    I loved the mini pics. Looks good fun in Jersey !

    Take care

    Lv Jackie x 🙋‍♀️

  • jacksprat_x1jacksprat_x1 Posts: 179 ✭✭✭

    @Sunshinedaff

    Hi Lou, how are you doing? Sorry been a while.

    Such a good feeling getting through no 7! Helps to feel I am just over halfway round! Saw oncologist and i will be having a scan in about six weeks. Happy with their help to make my symptoms so much better😀 I find bacon and chicken pasta helps and melon. Gingernuts too and I do sympathise with Jaspers biscuit craving!

    I do hope you are getting some help with your symptoms. How are you feeling?

    Hope u and the family are all well!

    Have a good week Lou.

    Luv Jackie x🙋‍♀️

  • LouiseJLouiseJ Posts: 361 mod

    @jacksprat_x1

    Hi Jackie,

    It's great you are halfway through, also good to hear you have found some food that you can eat. Haha, yes, biscuits, who doesn't love them! haha😂.

    I am ok thanks, got some pain meds to help with my neck etc, still waiting for an xray appointment, must be a long waiting list. Oncologist is thinking of changing my meds, just waiting to see if I notice a difference. The new ones are steroid based so I am not sure about that, needs another discussion I feel! We still have exams going on, so trying to maintain a peaceful atmosphere, to counteract the stress and pressure. Not long left thankfully! But then we have the prom and results day to get through! It's not easy!

    Looking forward to some more sunshine, keeping busy, which is always good.

    Glad you had a good weekend, sounds lovely, hope you have a good day, and hope the vets goes ok too for Jasper.

    Lou xx

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