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Losing my mind

Sam65Sam65 Posts: 1
edited March 2020 in Diagnosis & Appointments

Hello all. I was diagnosed with colorectal cancer on 10th March after a colonoscopy exam. At the beginning of this turbulent journey, I felt my treatment from the NHS was amazing. Within two weeks of the colonoscopy, I had been given an MRI, CT pelvis, and CT virtual colonoscopy, and my prognosis was positive, with the cancer currently stage two. I saw my surgeon on 28th March and he advised that my operation was urgent, as the tumour is blocking my bowel and causing distressing symptoms. I shared my concerns with him as my daughter gets married on 17th May, and he assured me the operation would be done during April, and my recovery would be well on the way by the wedding.

Since that appointment I have now discovered ( from specialist nurse) that no date has been set for my operation, and after contacting my surgeon to discuss, he has advised that I will not be fit to attend the wedding, and that surely my family will just want me well!

Am I being totally unreasonable and irrational to feel so bloody angry about this? I’m so upset that cancer has taken my old life and has replaced it with a life where I have absolutely no control. My surgeon appears to believe that I am merely a tumour, and I’m totally losing my mind. I can’t sleep as I spend most of the night in the toilet, and my symptoms are unbearable.

Has anyone else experienced these awful feelings? I honestly think I’m going mad! I can’t go to work due to the symptoms and I’m trying to keep busy so I don’t overthink things!!

Sam 😱


  • SunshinedaffSunshinedaff Posts: 1,446 ✭✭✭✭✭

    @Sam65 ,

    I am so sorry to hear of your diagnosis and also the troubles you are experiencing.

    The shock of being diagnosed is difficult enough to cope with and to come to terms with everything that it entails.

    Feelings of anger and rage are not unusual after finding out cancer has invaded. Suddenly your life has been turned upside down, inside out and you are not in control of events necessarily. I can understand how distressing it is with your daughter’s wedding happening very soon. Of course you want to be there! This should be a time of celebration and excitement for your family, not uncertainty where treatment is concerned.

    I am really sorry you are in so much discomfort and pain with the symptoms you are suffering. Is it possible to contact the surgeon’s secretary to make another appointment so at least you can get some kind of timeline established and get some help for the symptoms you have?

    Please keep in touch with how you are doing Sam, you are very welcome here. Everyone is very friendly, supportive and understanding of what you are going through.

    Thinking of you,

    Lou x

  • RobertARobertA Posts: 1,273 ✭✭✭✭✭


    I agree with everything that Lou @Sunshinedaff has said.

    When you are told you have cancer, very often it becomes a life-changing experience for you, your family and close friends. There is a lot to come to terms with and the news is always a great shock.

    I understand what you mean about the surgeon’s thinking. I found that the medical people here are very good at keeping me alive but not so hot at talking about the physical and mental side effects that a cancer diagnosis always brings.  Your situation is particularly upsetting because you naturally want to be at your daughter’s wedding and you also need relief from your symptoms.

    I do hope that you can get an early appointment sorted out to enable you to make plans.

    I hope you will keep in touch. This is a community full of lovely caring people who understand and support each other through the cancer journey and beyond.


  • LauraLaura Posts: 33

    Hi Sam,

    I was diagnosed with colon cancer late last year and have had a colostomy bag fitted. Is the operation to remove the tumour or to fit a temporary colostomy? I totally understand your fear about not being well for your daughters wedding, I am facing the exact same issue as my daughter is due to get married in August and I am fearful that my operation will be scheduled for before this. My oncologist is amazing and I am very lucky that I have a very reassuring team behind me. I do hope you can arrange the operation for after the wedding...... if you need to rant, pleasefeel free, this is definitely the place! You are totally right, the symptoms of colon cancer are horrendous and agonising....noone that hasn't experienced cancer knows the pain of cancer ..... I had many sleepless nights xx

    Take care,

    Laura x

  • Lisejs29Lisejs29 Posts: 36

    I. Had to have a camera up on Wednesday as there still not sure where mine started from 😢I’m finding it very painful to go to the toilet at the moment , got to wait for results from biopsy taken as to see what my next steps arE

    love this forum it’s good if you need advice or want a rant

  • RobertARobertA Posts: 1,273 ✭✭✭✭✭


    Hope you are more comfortable now and that your biopsy results were good.

    Rob x

  • Lisejs29Lisejs29 Posts: 36

    Biopsy results were benign , so I had to go and have another pet scan to see if there were any changes from the pet scan I had in February, had scan yesterday so just got to wait for results

  • SunshinedaffSunshinedaff Posts: 1,446 ✭✭✭✭✭


    Morning Lise😊

    Well that is some good news at least, even though there is still uncertainty, hopefully from the biopsy some things can be ruled out.

    I hope these next results come through very soon for you, the waiting and the unknown is the hardest part.

    How are you feeling now, has the pain settled down?

    Thinking of you

    Lou xx

  • Lisejs29Lisejs29 Posts: 36

    i am feeling fine generally, just got to wait for results to come back from this pet scan as to determine what treatment will be needed

  • 4Gretton4Gretton Posts: 41 ✭✭✭
    Just been having a catch up and saw your post @Lisejs29
    I felt so sorry for you to have this diagnosis so close to your daughters wedding. I know how you feel. I was in similar position. Colorectal cancer with metastasis in liver and lung. My specialist was very understanding and let me delay op til after wedding. I was given laxido to keep things moving, Ensure plus drinks to keep my weight up and tramadol for pain relief. I then had my op a couple of weeks after wedding. It might be worth running this by him again, letting him know how important it is for you and for good recovery. I do hope all goes well xx
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