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Feeling emotional....

LolaLola Posts: 10

Hi, I’m feeling somewhat emotional tonight. Arguing with my husband over things that really don’t warrant an argument.

i had surgery on the 21 March for breast cancer. Cancer removed and a reconstruction has left me pretty sore but I can see the potential for a decent look. I’m back to see my surgeon tomorrow , hopefully to receive the results of the lympth node biopsies take during surgery. I know I have radio therapy to look forward to but he did say there’s a possibility of chemo depending on the results. Not sure if I’m tearful in anticipation of this or just feeling sorry for myself. Feeling a little over whelmed all of a sudden. Bizzare cause pretty much up to now I’ve been getting on with things and I guess, ‘business as normal’...

i don’t expect a reply, I guess I just wanted to sound off. Can’t really talk to anyone here... 😢

Comments

  • SunshinedaffSunshinedaff Posts: 1,445 ✭✭✭✭✭

    @Lola

    Hi Tracey,

    I’m so sorry you’ve had a tough night. The stress of what you are facing will find its way out for all of you. The shock of the diagnosis will still be surfacing, there is so much to take in. Your husband will be in shock too, and the fears and terror that cancer brings can be overwhelming.

    The fact you have had so much surgery already, and quickly, is great, however I remember my mind had to catch up with events after they happened. Emotions and feelings all over the place.

    Thinking about tomorrow, can be nerve racking, it’s just so scary it’s completely understandable that you end up arguing over little things.

    You are still recovering from surgery, it is very early days still.

    Thats why we are here for each other, I couldn’t not reply to you. Tracey you are very brave and courageous, you are stronger than you think.

    Try and rest tonight, you are going in the right direction, and hopefully tomorrow you will know the next step.

    I will catch up with you tomorrow, and will be thinking of you.

    Sending gentle hugs 🤗

    Lou xx

  • SunshinedaffSunshinedaff Posts: 1,445 ✭✭✭✭✭

    @Lola ,

    Hi Tracey,

    Just saying hi, hope your appointment goes ok today. Thinking of you.

    Lou x

  • LolaLola Posts: 10

    Hi Lou,

    Thank you got both your messages, so very much appreciated.

    mr Ray was lovely today. He’s still concerned my nipple hasn’t taken ( cause he had to completely remove it and reattach in its new location) so hv to go back nxt wk. Lympth nkdes are ok. Phew! When he removed them he’s caused some nerve damage in my arm so he’s given me some tablets to try settle the pain down. He’s now sending off for my radio therapy referral. Starting on some daily hormone tablets now to reduce the risk of my cancer spreading with it being hormone driven.

    Its all good news really but omg, I’m so tearful. Honestly, I can’t stop crying. I so need to get a grip. Xx

  • SunshinedaffSunshinedaff Posts: 1,445 ✭✭✭✭✭

    @Lola

    Hi Tracey,

    Ohh, really good news Tracey!, They can sort the nipple out hopefully.

    I hope the pain meds kick in quickly for you and you begin to notice a difference. Great you are on preventative meds too. You may get some side-effects from them.

    You are probably releasing a lot of held in stress and the relief it hasn’t spread is just coming out. Don’t worry about the tears, they can be very healing, especially if you have been trying to remain strong and hold everything together for a while. Concentrate now on becoming stronger, day by day. Get plenty of rest and build yourself up. Radiotherapy will be very tiring, so be kind to yourself now.

    I hope you have a peaceful evening,

    Chat soon,

    Lou

  • RobertARobertA Posts: 1,273 ✭✭✭✭✭
    edited April 2019

    @Lola

    Hi Tracey

    I am delighted to hear that your lymph nodes are OK. That is good news, but even so, I am not at all surprised that you are feeling emotional. So many people say the same and you must not feel that you need to ‘get a grip’ as you put it. A cancer diagnosis is devastating for both partners. There is a lot to come to terms with and the news can be a great shock and throw you into confusion. You have had surgery to remove the cancer - your body has been assaulted, you are having hormone therapy and still have radiotherapy to come.

    It is an anxious time for both you and your husband. We men do tend to bottle things up and keep our worries to ourselves. My wife and I were told about MacMillan Cancer Support at a difficult time and we popped in for a cup of tea and a chat. They are amazing and offer lots of support and advice.

    I hope you will keep in touch. This is a great community full of kind, caring and supportive people. I love it.

    Rob x

  • LolaLola Posts: 10

    Oh rob thank you for your message.

    You are so right with what you say - and I don’t think I’ve really sat back and thought about it all properly. It’s been a weekly hospital trip or just waiting for test results/appointments. It’s a weird limbo sort of feeling now... it’s almost like I should just be ‘normal’ again - but I don’t feel normal yet.

    I just need a good nights sleep I think then maybe I can stop this crying... 😢


    i really appreciate your communication and this group as a whole. When I read other peoples experiences I actually get confort.


    thanks again Rob.

    T x

  • 4Gretton4Gretton Posts: 39 ✭✭✭

    @Lola

    Im so sorry to hear of the tough time you’ve been having. Thank goodness the lymph nodes are clear . That’s one less battle to fight, hey! @Sunshinedaff and @RobertA are so right in their comments.

    Your poor body has been through so much and now your mind is trying to play catch up whilst you still have so many balls in the air. Take one day at a time. You don’t say how mobile you are, but maybe try and get out each day. I know that that helped me a lot. When I wasn’t able to get round much and on days when I wasn’t going to be seeing anyone I used to get a taxi to our local shops and have a coffee and sit and watch the world go by. Quite often someone would sit at the table and chat and I used to find that very therapeutic, just talking about this and that and they would have no idea about what I was going through.

    A little walk out when the weather is good is definitely worth the effort and a good way of building up strength... early days I’d only just get to next doors gate... but it improved slowly but surely and more importantly great for the mind.

    Its important to be kind to yourself and to talk. You now have all of us to chat to when it’s hard to talk to family.

    We’re listening

  • LolaLola Posts: 10

    Thank you 4Gretton

    i started today on my hormone tablets. I’m taking quite a mixture of tablets at the moment which are making me feel quite woozy so to be honest lying down quite a lot. I’m sure once my body gets used to them it will settle down.

    I’m not feeling as tearful today thankfully. What you, Lou and Robert say is so true. For weeks we had the build up to surgery - each week was another appointment for something or other. I worked right up to the day before surgery so my mind was always occupied. I felt strong. Since my (breast) surgery I’ve felt so tearful and flipping sorry for myself. At home as far as the kids seem to be (15 and 17 yrs), everything is all sorted. I will start my radio therapy once all my wounds are healed. It’s weird... my husband has been amazing - hes been doing everything as well as working ( but he doesn’t understand my tears). I’m so grateful for this forum... you guys seem to understand and that really helps so thank you.

  • RobertARobertA Posts: 1,273 ✭✭✭✭✭

    @Lola

    Hi Tracey

    So pleased to hear that your husband has been so supportive. I am not surprised though, that he and the kids don’t fully understand your emotional feelings. I think the reality is that a cancer diagnosis is not the same as that of any other type of illness and it is very difficult for someone who hasn’t experienced it to step into our shoes and ‘get’ how we feel. That is why this community is so important, because we do ‘get it’ because we have all been there in one way or another.

    Mary and I had afternoon tea with friends yesterday. The wife had treatment for breast cancer a few months ago and during the afternoon, we had a chance for a quiet chat together. She told me that she feels guilty because she now struggles with her job, she gets tearful and forgetful and only(her words) had stage 2 cancer. I think we never really get our old selves completely back and it is so important not to feel guilty about that. I am on long term hormone treatment and I get tired, occasionally confused, and lack concentration. It took a while for my wife and I to come to terms with that, but we laugh about it now when I walk into a room and can’t remember why I did,

    Rob x

  • Poppins19Poppins19 Posts: 2

    Hi Lola,

    i had a mastectomy and lymph node removal back in November. All went well, for which I will be ever greatful. At the time I like you worked up until the day of surgery and afterwards had the get on with it attitude. After my last hospital appointment I thought I was doing fine then suddenly one day I just couldn’t stop crying so know exactly where you are coming from.

    My breast care nurse was fab, we have regular phone calls and have met up a couple more times. I couldn’t explain why I was crying , I simply didn’t know why. It took weeks but I am finally getting my self together, the good days far outway the down days now.

    Give yourself time, talk to someone and know you will come through this.

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