Personality changes and cancer

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  • gloden02gloden02 Posts: 51 ✭✭
    Hi Rob and Lou. Yes so relieved yesterday. Just hoping this bowel trouble will go away. On medication from Dr for it. Seems there’s always something . Hope you both ok. Thanks for your kind replies xxx
  • SunshinedaffSunshinedaff Posts: 815 ✭✭✭✭
    @gloden02 ;

    Hi Gloria, 
    Glad you were able to get some meds from the dr today. I hope they take effect very soon for you.
    Keep looking forwards Glo, 

    Lou xx
  • SunshinedaffSunshinedaff Posts: 815 ✭✭✭✭
    @gloden02 ;

    Hi Gloria, 

    You are one of the people on my mind today, just wondered how you are feeling? 
    I hope the meds are working and doing their job. 
    Do you have anything nice planned for the weekend?

    Chat soon, 

    Lou x
  • gloden02gloden02 Posts: 51 ✭✭
    Hi Lou. Still got tummy trouble and back ache. I have had IBS for some years on and off. Think it’s kicked in with a vengeance as probably my immune systems low. Hoping it will calm down soon. I went out for lunch today with a friend but felt ill so had to come home early. My middle daughter is calling down tomorrow so we will have lunch together. Trying not to get worried about things but I think after cancer we do worry more. Thank you for your concern. You are so kind. Hope you are feeling well Lou. Lots of love Glo xx
  • RobertARobertA Posts: 668 ✭✭✭✭
    Hi @gloden02

    Hello Gloria. Wow, you were up early or late whichever that was. 

    So sorry to hear about your backache and tummy trouble. Hope they sort themselves out soon. 

    You are so right, we do worry about things after cancer. I think all of us do and it is good to keep in touch and be there for one other. 

    Take care.

    Rob x 
  • gloden02gloden02 Posts: 51 ✭✭
    Hi Rob. Just couldent sleep so I either read or go on here. Trouble is I could stay there in the morning. All back to front. Was thinking today will life ever be the same as it was before the cancer. I seem to be full of ailments and woes. Just need a normal what ever that means day. Then my daughters say think back to weeks ago and yes I’m slowly getting stronger I suppose. Weird how the cancer dident make me ill but the Chemo certainly has. I’ve got to get stronger for Easter. My two great grandsons are being christened. They live in the IOM so all the family are going over for a few days. How are you doing Robert? Hope you are feeling well. Think we are all longing for the spring and some sunshine again. Lots of hugs Glo x
  • SunshinedaffSunshinedaff Posts: 815 ✭✭✭✭
    @gloden02 ;

    Hi Glo, 

    So sorry to hear you are up in the night, I  hope you were still able to go out for lunch with your daughter today. 


    Honestly, I don't think our lives are ever the same after cancer. Everything changes, and yes, we have to find a new 'normal' somehow. As your daughters have said look where you were a couple of weeks ago, and look how you are getting stronger, a little every day. 

    I do understand how difficult it is to fight the worries of cancer returning, Rob is right in that we are here for each other, to encourage one another. Keep fighting that fear Glo, try and focus on the little victories you have, getting out, seeing people, chatting to us, they are all good things. 

    The IBS must be very hard, my daughter was diagnosed with that, it's not easy to live with. Chemo has a greater effect on us than we realise. I don't think the Drs know 'everything' that can happen to us, there are so many variables with individuals. It takes the body a very long time to recover from it. 

    Do you have any hobbies? Things you like to do, perhaps try something new. Anything that will help divert your mind from anxious thoughts. 

    Yes, so looking forward to Spring arriving, all the bulbs are growing well, I even have one lonely snowdrop appeared. 
    I am not a winter person at all, January and February my worst months. I can't stand the lack of light. 
    Or the cold.
    I noticed this morning, my neighbour has some blossom appearing on one of her trees, so Spring is on it's way. I just hope that this bad weather they keep talking about doesn't materialise.

    <3  <3   

    Lou x



  • gloden02gloden02 Posts: 51 ✭✭
    Hi Lou. Thank you for your lovely reply. I’m just so worried that this is something more than my IBS . I’ve had it for years but it seems more pain and lasting longer. Think I’m still not strong in body and mind. Two of my girls called in today and one of my granddaughters too and yet when they have gone I break done and can’t stop crying . Don’t know whether to go back to Gp or not. Keep hoping tomorrow will be better. I know it’s weak and selfish as I know there are folks a lot worse than me but can’t seem to pick up. Sorry I’ve moaned enough. Tomorrow is another day. I’ve got some shoots of daffodils coming through. Roll on the spring. I don’t like January or February either. Lovely when March arrives. Yes I heard talk of snow coming. We are not out of the woods yet I suppose. It’s good to talk to you Lou. Thank you. Hope you are feeling ok and not missing your daughter too much. It’s hard when they start leaving home but I find they always find pleasure in coming home. We are lucky having family. Lots of hugs Glo xxx
  • SunshinedaffSunshinedaff Posts: 815 ✭✭✭✭
    edited January 26
    @gloden02

    Hi Glo, 
    That is so sad to hear you can't help crying, but please don't think you are being selfish, you are not! It must be even harder going through this on your own, without your husband. 
    I can understand how lonely it can become. Yes, perhaps re visiting your GP would be a good idea. I think your worries and stress may aggravate how you are feeling though. That can't help the IBS symptoms. 
    I know you are physically on your own Glo, but you are not alone, your lovely daughters are around you, and we are here. 
    Do you have other friends you can see too? 
    I have been talking to my daughter just now on WhatsApp, we talk everyday, several times! Bless her. 
    Sometimes we watch TV together but in different locations. We love Mock the Week, it is so funny, do you like comedy shows? It is good to laugh.
    I hope you manage to get some sleep tonight.
    I just had a thought, have you tried yoga? Wondering if that might help you. 
    God bless you, 

    Lou x
  • gloden02gloden02 Posts: 51 ✭✭
    Hi Lou. Better day today. Feel more positive. Two of my daughters have booked us a few days in Llandudno in March. Love the coast and we will be be able to get in the car and explore the coastline . Looking forward to it, Trying to be more on top of things. Thank you for your message. So glad I have found you and Rob and this site. Hope you are well and having a good day too. Lots of hugs Glo xxx
  • SunshinedaffSunshinedaff Posts: 815 ✭✭✭✭
    @gloden02

    Hi Glo, 
    I am so pleased you are having a better day. To have a lovely trip to look forward to will really give you a boost. 
    I love Wales, such beautiful countryside and scenery. 
    It is good to try and stay positive, find something good each day you can be glad for, and when you can't, just think of your trip. Imagine yourself there. 

    Had a quiet day here, just cooking dinner, roast beef. Smells gorgeous, and the cats are going nuts over it. Haha. 

    So glad you are here too Gloria, I know I can say for Rob, @RobertA, Lesley @Lesley, and everyone else, we are here to support one another. 

    So you rest easy this evening, relax, with a movie or something. Do you watch Dancing on Ice? I haven't tuned in yet this series. 

    Love to you

    Lou x

  • RobertARobertA Posts: 668 ✭✭✭✭
    edited January 28
    @gloden02

    Hi Glo
    Sorry to be slow getting back to you. We have had visitors and had a little break at a local hotel. Lovely. 

    How kind of you to ask after me. I am doing very well, thank you, and like you and Lou, I am looking forward to Spring. 

    I used to work in the finance industry and I was offered a job in the IOM.  I liked the island very much but decided to stay here in Jersey ( well, my wife did! Ha ha). It sounds like you are going to have a great family get together at Easter and it is an ideal target for  you to aim for. 

    Lou is right of course, life is just not the same after cancer and we do have a bit of adjusting to do. We get used to it though and it is great that we have this community of people who know how we feel because we have all experienced it, and understand each other in a way that people who have not had cancer cannot. 

    By the way, you are NOT weak and selfish. I think you are actually very courageous for opening up and telling us how you feel.  Of course, there is always someone worse off, but knowing that does not make your own health and anxiety issues any less important. Life has thrown you and your daughter a tough hand and it must be very hard coping on your own. 

    I have had real issues with anxiety and depression and I decided to ask for help and went to see my doctor. He prescribed me with sertraline. It is not a happy pill. It simply boosts the natural serotonin in your brain though it does take two or three weeks before you feel any improvement.  I also received counselling, provided free of charge by the wonderful Macmillans. A good counsellor can tell you so much about yourself and in my case she helped me to overcome a lack of self worth which had crept into my thinking. I still see her once a month because I love being told what a good chap I am. Ha ha. 
    I hope you do not mind my mentioning these options and you may, of course, feel they sre not for you, but a bit of support along the way can be useful. 

    Under the category ‘What’s on your Mind Today,’ there is a conversation entitled ‘Us as People not the Disease.’  I love it and you may enjoy having a look and joining in. 

    Rob xx
  • gloden02gloden02 Posts: 51 ✭✭
    Hi Rob. Thank you so much for the kind words again. Thinking I do need some help with these feelings of low moods. I’ll talk to my daughters about it. Can’t stop this constant worry and get out of this hole . Have been to Jersey long time ago with my husband. Lovely island. I too love the IOM . My eldest daughter and her husband in the nineties moved out to Cayman Islands . They were there for 9 years and three of my granddaughter were born there then they came back to IOM to live. Dave my son-in-law is an accountant and opened a new branch in the IOM. So of course the girls grew up there and although my daughter and son-in-law have moved back home here two of their girls have married and made their home in the IOM . One is a lawyer and the other is an accountant like her dad. They both have a baby boy my great grandsons. Very proud of them. Thank you again for your message. I really appreciate it. So glad I’ve found you and Lou and all on this site. Don’t feel so alone with my worries. Hope you are having a good day. Lots of hugs Glo xx
  • LesleyLesley Posts: 138 ✭✭✭
    Hi Glo, Lesley here I have just been reading your post! , So glad you have joined us on this site ! Everybody is lovely! Especially Lou and Rob! You are not alone, you are never judged! We are and all on this journey, we will see it through together! Good and bad times! Just keep on posting! Xx
  • gloden02gloden02 Posts: 51 ✭✭
    Hi Lesley. Thank you for your caring and your lovely words. You’re right the folks on here are so lovely. I’m so glad I’ve found you all. Trying to stay positive. Roll on the spring . Glo xxx
  • LesleyLesley Posts: 138 ✭✭✭
    You bet!!!❤⚘🌾🌻🥀
  • SunshinedaffSunshinedaff Posts: 815 ✭✭✭✭
    @gloden02 ;

    Evening Glo, 

    Good to see you, hope today has been ok for you, hope your tummy is starting to improve.

    Speak soon.

    Lou x
  • RobertARobertA Posts: 668 ✭✭✭✭
    @gloden02
    Hi Glo
    Lovely to hear about your daughters and their families. They sound amazing and no wonder you are proud of them. I have three sisters,,two of whom were barristers and one of them went on to become a judge. My eldest lives in Austin, Texas and we message and FaceTime each other a lot. British Airways have direct flights to Austin from Heathrow and now that I can get travel insurance again, I am planning to fly over in October. It has to be then as I still get hot flushes and it gets pretty hot in Texas. Phew🌞

    How are are your moods? Hope you are coping OK. Keep in touch. It's good to talk and we love hearing from you. @Lesley started a post on 'What's on your Mind Today?' It's called 'Us as People, Not the Disease' and we post pictures and enjoy chatting about our families and animals. I think you will like it. 

    Rob xx

  • gloden02gloden02 Posts: 51 ✭✭
    hi Rob. Thanks for your message. Your words always help like Lou and Lesley and all the lovely folks on here. Strange we will never all meet up but we all all makes no such a difference to each other at these awful times in our lives. Hope you have a lovely trip to Texas in Oct. We stayed in Houston overnight once on route to Cayman Islands. Remember it was very hot. Will have a look at Lesley’s post now thanks. Think I’m gradually getting a bit of me back and getting out a bit more too. Hope you are having some good days too Rob. Lots of hugs xxx
  • LouiseJLouiseJ Posts: 349 mod
    @gloden02

    Hi Glo, 
    Great to hear from you.
    I am glad to hear you feel like you are making headway and getting more of you back. It isn't easy, and we do understand how hard it is. It is good to get out and I am pleased you have been able to do so. 
    I love your profile pic by the way, it's a really happy photo.

    Sending love and a big hug

    Lou xx
  • gloden02gloden02 Posts: 51 ✭✭
    Thanks so much lovely Lou. You have helped me so much. Slowly getting there. Hope you well. Lots of hugs xxx
  • bullcowbullcow Posts: 7
    my husband finished chemo 2 months ago. He has such anger/rage and it is directed at me. I am afraid of him. I believe that it is just a matter of time before he hits me.
  • RobertARobertA Posts: 668 ✭✭✭✭

    Hi @bullcow ;

    So sorry to hear your story. I have not experienced chemotherapy and am not qualified to comment on that. 

    I do know though, that the end of treatment can be a difficult time for cancer patients. I recall that my wife and I were very preoccupied when I was first diagnosed and I coped pretty well with that and with the subsequent treatment. It wasn't until the radiotherapy was finished and I only needed quarterly infusions that I had time to consider what I had been through and found myself having emotional issues. I became depressed and irritable and inevitably, my wife took the brunt of it. She persuaded me to see my doctor and we were also offered free counselling by the wonderful  MacMillans. We discovered that our situation was not uncommon and we worked together with the counsellor to find a way forward. 

    I do hope that you can tell your husband how you feel and that you can persuade him to see his doctor and get the support you both need.

    Rob X 


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