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Loneliness

Lisa_peer14Lisa_peer14 Posts: 4

Hi, as it's holiday season and I have just had my 8th cycle of chemo, I saw how many loving couples were at the hospital supporting each other and sharing lovely Christmas stories it made me well up a little but I envied them all.

I am a 45 year old mum of 3 my eldest is 25 and youngest 9. I was diagnosed with bowel cancer in 2017, had the op and was told all good. Unfortunately it has returned in the liver, I had surgery in March and now having chemo for 3 more lesions.

I had just got back with my partner after 5 years being separated, he vowed to stick by us and do whatever esp for our daughter who is the 9 year old. We were getting back on track everything was fine this time last year, it lastest 3 months. He went back to his old ways, I was going to hospital appointments alone and went through my surgery and recovery with my kids mum and best friend. A week after surgery I had complications and spent 8 weeks in hospital having a further op, 4 procedures 2 drains fitted and 2 stents. I didn't think i was going to make it but thank God I was finally well enough to go home. 2 months after all of that a routine ct scan then found 3 more lesions and so now I am having chemotherapy. I haven't seen my ex since early February and just found out he has a new partner. I don't want him back my daughter thinks little of him unfortunately. I just feel so low and cannot believe someone would be so low to do that to someone when all along he has said I was his soul mate I rejected him since we split the first time but having this put on us I thought he would step up. And when I did finally give in because I wanted him in my daughter's life he has done this.

At the end of the day I accept it all now what can I do, I have lost most my hair gained a little weight and have the chemo that gives you an itchy rash and acne like spots. I also have a scar on my torso from surgery. I don't feel I could ever have another relationship I just miss the companionship and someone to talk to as in front of your kids you need to be strong and not let them see how scared and vulnerable you feel.

Is there any chat groups I can follow or join in occasionally so I don't feel to much alone going through all of this.? Any help or advice would be so much appreciated.thank you x

Comments

  • LouiseJLouiseJ Posts: 600 mod

    @Lisa_peer14

    Hi,

    Welcome to the community, I am so glad you have joined and made contact with us.

    I am really sorry to hear of your ordeal with the cancer diagnosis and treatment you have had and continue to have, as well as the heartbreaking troubles with your partner (ex). I can imagine how hard it must be for you to cope with things, holding your family together and at this time of year when you are facing things alone, it can all feel so much harder to deal with. It is great you have your mum and friend around you for support too.

    This community is full of lovely people who you can chat with at any time, joining in with any discussion or starting your own. You are definitely not on your own here, and you will find masses of support, friendship and understanding. I can understand how you do not want to burden your children with certain things, please know you can come here. We chat about anything, not necessarily about cancer either, we laugh and cry with each other on good days and bad days. I think a lot of people would say being able to talk here, sharing things is easier, without worrying about upsetting people, knowing there are others who really 'get' how you feel and what you are going through, not judging you. I joined the community when it began and I have made several friends here, who have become my real-life friends now too.

    The side-effects of chemo can be huge and long-lasting, I hope you are managing to get through chemo OK. Recovery from surgery can take a lot longer than we first realise too.

    If you are in the UK have you considered contacting the Macmillan Cancer Support group in your area? I know many have found their help and support to be invaluable.

    I hope to chat with you soon,

    Lou x

  • Lisa_peer14Lisa_peer14 Posts: 4

    Hi Lou,


    Thank you so much for your message and kind words. I do live in London, Stratford and have previously had contact with a Macmillan representative when in hospital yes I should look back into this. It would be lovely to chat to others who know how you feel as I don't at the moment and you kind of feel like it is only you experiencing the effects,emotions etc etc. Again thank you for your advice and help, I look forward to chatting further in discussions too!

    Have a lovely new year,

    Lisa x


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  • LouiseJLouiseJ Posts: 600 mod

    @Lisa_peer14

    Hi Lisa,

    Yes, that sounds like a good idea to me, hopefully you won't have a long wait etc, especially if you have had some contact with them already. I do think the more support ( helpful, of course) we can get whilst going through this is a good thing. It is very tough, and to have little or no support it must be for some absolutely terrible.

    Of course, I look forward to chatting with you more... just as an aside we have a word association game going on, join in if you like.

    I hope the New Year is more peaceful for you and let's hope 2020 sees you stronger and healthier.

    Chat soon,

    Lou x

  • jacksprat_x1jacksprat_x1 Posts: 300 ✭✭✭✭

    Hi Lisa,

    Welcome to this group. We all know how devastating it is to get the cancer diagnosis. I am sure doubly so to have to hear it again. I feel so sorry for you. You have had a really tough time of it. You are doing the right thing joining the group. I spent many a night getting some comfort reading others posts. Some very sad and others uplifting and very friendly. Made me feel not alone in this, although I am so fortunate to have a good man and family and friends, sometimes you just need to discuss things on here as you feel you can’t keep going on about it to family, they also need a rest. Fortunately because we do get it, the racing mind in the early hours, these wonderful people offer solace without judgement.

    I also had bowel cancer, a large tumour perforated my bowel and I had an Abscess. I had an emergency operation last December and have a stoma. All went well after 6 months of chemo, every other week. Several hiccups but I got a clear scan when it was finished. Had a colonoscopy 23 Dec, which showed a tiny polyp, which was removed and it’s being tested. Having a full body scan in 24 Jan.

    I found the Macmillan very helpful. Give them a call hopefully they can help you too. So nice that you have a good friend, and your Mum and children. I’m sure they are a comfort. I am so sorry that your relationship did not work out. Christmas is an awful time when you are unattached and see couples together. You need the support of those that love you and need to focus on this to get well again. A bad relationship is just going to drain you of the energy you need to get well. Stay strong if you can and always know that this group is here for you.

    Take care and I wish you Health and Happiness this New Year 2020.

    Love Jackie 🙋‍♀️X

  • RobertARobertA Posts: 1,107 ✭✭✭✭✭

    @Lisa_peer14

    Hi Lisa

    I am sorry to hear that your cancer has returned and I hope that you are getting through the chemo without too many side effects. It must be really tough coping with the latest cancer diagnosis and its side effects in addition to having to put up with the behaviour of your ex.

    I think that sometimes it is OK not to be in a relationship, especially when what you really need is someone who understands you, supports you, someone who just listens when you are low or sad. It is good to know that you have your best friend, your Mum and your daughters around you and I agree wholeheartedly with Lou and Jackie. MacMillan Cancer Support have been brilliant for me and they helped me through a very difficult emotional period. I have made friends through groups and courses which they sponsor and I often pop in and have a cuppa and a chat.

    I hope that you will keep in touch. You have already met two of the amazing, friendly and caring people in this community which is now such an important part of my life. We can talk about the way we feel and know that we are amongst friends who understand and who do not judge. Have a look at the 'Coffee Break' section too. We sometimes like to get away from the cancer and have a bit of fun.

    Rob x

  • Lisa_peer14Lisa_peer14 Posts: 4

    It's really nice to hear from people who know what you are going through. And I thank you. It's hard keeping my feelings and tears from my kids. To them I'm the strongest person they know and that's how it should be sometimes I feel like a burden and hate putting them through all of this. Everyday is a struggle but I know I can't show or give up on myself for the sake of them. I used to work 40 hours a week in the city had a brilliant job, career and friends over these last few years everything has gone I just feel a bit low hopefully after this festive season I will pick up again. X

  • jacksprat_x1jacksprat_x1 Posts: 300 ✭✭✭✭

    Hi Lisa, you are an amazing person and so selfless in not giving into anguish which may frighten your children. I know my two 35 and 38 have been scared stiff at times. I think the most important thing is to be kind to yourself. You are doing an amazing job but you do need to let off steam sometimes and I hope your friend and Mum can help with that. If you can’t do it here! The important thing is to know that you are loved and this is a powerful thing and as you have proved you are a fighter. I know you will probably say What other choice do I have? I used to think that when people kept saying how brave I was, but I know it was well meaning.

    Take care and speak again in 2020 ...Next Year!

    Love Jackie xxx 🙋‍♀️

  • Lisa_peer14Lisa_peer14 Posts: 4

    Thank you Jackie, happy New year to you too..Your words mean alot.

    Lisa x

  • LouiseJLouiseJ Posts: 600 mod

    @Lisa_peer14

    Hi Lisa,

    I just wanted to say hi and see how you are doing since Christmas and New Year period has passed.

    Thinking of you, did you manage to make contact with Macmillan's?

    Hope to chat soon,

    🤗

    Lou xx

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