Hi, as it's holiday season and I have just had my 8th cycle of chemo, I saw how many loving couples were at the hospital supporting each other and sharing lovely Christmas stories it made me well up a little but I envied them all.
I am a 45 year old mum of 3 my eldest is 25 and youngest 9. I was diagnosed with bowel cancer in 2017, had the op and was told all good. Unfortunately it has returned in the liver, I had surgery in March and now having chemo for 3 more lesions.
I had just got back with my partner after 5 years being separated, he vowed to stick by us and do whatever esp for our daughter who is the 9 year old. We were getting back on track everything was fine this time last year, it lastest 3 months. He went back to his old ways, I was going to hospital appointments alone and went through my surgery and recovery with my kids mum and best friend. A week after surgery I had complications and spent 8 weeks in hospital having a further op, 4 procedures 2 drains fitted and 2 stents. I didn't think i was going to make it but thank God I was finally well enough to go home. 2 months after all of that a routine ct scan then found 3 more lesions and so now I am having chemotherapy. I haven't seen my ex since early February and just found out he has a new partner. I don't want him back my daughter thinks little of him unfortunately. I just feel so low and cannot believe someone would be so low to do that to someone when all along he has said I was his soul mate I rejected him since we split the first time but having this put on us I thought he would step up. And when I did finally give in because I wanted him in my daughter's life he has done this.
At the end of the day I accept it all now what can I do, I have lost most my hair gained a little weight and have the chemo that gives you an itchy rash and acne like spots. I also have a scar on my torso from surgery. I don't feel I could ever have another relationship I just miss the companionship and someone to talk to as in front of your kids you need to be strong and not let them see how scared and vulnerable you feel.
Is there any chat groups I can follow or join in occasionally so I don't feel to much alone going through all of this.? Any help or advice would be so much appreciated.thank you x