Home Cancer Expert Q&A Hub Carers Corner

I don’t like us anymore.

Me62Me62 Posts: 1

I’m feeling sorry for myself. my husband has stage four small cell lung cancer. He’s just finished chemo and radiotherapy. His prognosis is 12 months. His personality has changed. I know longer like him. He saying nasty things most of the time and then he’s all soppy. He’s acquired a skill where he can ignore me for days. He does nothing to help, he just complains about everything. We’ve been married nearly thirty years and it has been a good marriage but I’ve had enough of his behaviour, the reason mainly is because I have severe heart failure. I am dying. Two years ago I was told I had about three to four years left to live so I’m dying to so why should I spend my time with a person who doesn’t like anything I say or do. I know it’s chemo rage , I know he can’t help it. I do love him I just don’t like him. We have no support network , we’re both unhappy with what we’ve been dealt but I don’t want to spend the time we have left unhappy, surely we could find something to do together. I feel we are just waiting for death in between arguments and long silences. Any advice?



  • LouiseJLouiseJ Posts: 770 ✭✭✭✭✭

    Hi @Me62

    I am so very sorry to hear how you and your husband are both suffering from the effects of the cancer diagnosis and effects of treatment, on top of your own health issues and difficulties. It is extremely sad to read how your lives have changed so much and that your marriage is suffering too. Cancer affects so much more than just our physical bodies, it can completely ravage our minds and emotions as well.

    You mention you have no support network around you, which makes everything so much harder to bear as you end up carrying a huge burden of care unaided.

    It is really good you have been able to join our community, you will find a lot of support and understanding here, there are many others here who are living with loves ones going through cancer. I would also encourage you to contact the Macmillan Cancer Support group if you feel able to. They would actually be able to provide 'on the ground' support to you both, which I think would be really beneficial to you. I know a lot of others here have made use of their services and found them to be invaluable in helping them in their situations.

    We also have Karin Sieger (@KarinSieger ) here in the community, she is our Expert Cancer Counsellor. You can always post a message on her thread. There are several really useful posts and pod casts freely available to read and listen to.

    Thinking of you,

    Lou x

  • JerseyBobJerseyBob Posts: 102 ✭✭✭


    Good evening

    I am so sorry to read your story and I really feel for both of you. It seems to me that you have far too much to cope with on your own and you really need support.

    As Lou has said, MacMillan Cancer Support may be able to provide invaluable support to both of you and I hope that there is one in your area. If not, it may be worth chatting to your doctor who would know of a similar local organisation.

    After being diagnosed with inoperable prostate cancer, I fell into depression and I became very morose and awkward and my marriage came under strain. My doctor insisted that I try counselling and though I was really negative about it, I eventually agreed as I had nowhere else to go and MacMillan provided me with a counsellor who specialises in people living with cancer, She helped me to find a way to accept the new me and I also started to understand the ordeal which my wife was going through too. I think that some of us men like to feel we are in control and able to protect our families. Cancer takes that away from us, and we are often unable to chat to family and friends about how we feel. I now recognise that it is a strength to admit that you do not have all the answers and to ask someone to share your burden.

    I do hope that you will keep in touch. We are a friendly and supportive community and we are always here to listen and to chat.

    Rob x

Sign In or Register to comment.