Being 'Fine' all the time
Hi everyone, I really should not be moaning at all and feel guilty all the time for doing so.
My story is an early oral cancer in situ 3 yrs ago which surgery removed. Still have 3 monthly checks but no problems since then. Now have DCIS which is an early breast cancer and again has not spread.
Had lumpectomy and starting radiotherapy next week which hopefully will see it off.
However, I am sick of being 'Fine' to people. I feel I have to be, especially for my 2 adult daughters, but also for the rest of my family. I will try to explain -
My only sibling Karen is in remission from Oesophageal cancer from 2015. Her husband (my lovely brother in law) died last October from the same awful cancer. The anniversary of his funeral is in 1 days time. She is obviously stressed at the moment, with good reason. She has also had a scan recently to check on her but is waiting on the results.
I feel like a fraud for being worried about myself so keep telling everyone I am fine. I know my current cancer will not kill me so I should be 'Fine'. I am trying to be fine but sometimes I am not. I feel overwhelmed with sadness and anger sometimes at what cancer has done to me and my family. I am horrible to my husband and just generally not being a nice person. I spend a lot of time on my own (husband works away Mon - Fri most weeks) which I think is not helping but I cannot be bothered to go out and prefer to spend my days at home, in track suit bottoms and slippers. You people who get up early and go for walks put me to shame, you really do.
I think I am just on a 'debbie downer' tonight (it doesn't help when I can't sleep either) and need a moan. Sorry everyone. I have so much to be grateful for so should really get a grip. So sorry to the people going through so much worse than me. Hopefully tomorrow I will get a bit more perspective and count my blessings.
I hope I have not offended anyone x