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Sad and awful day

Hi all,

I'm just musing today, feeling totally brassed off and negative, maybe its because I have always hated Sundays in UK even as a little lad because there was nothing to do in my rural small town but it got better when I moved overseas with my parents to a big cosmopolitan city which was a great posting for all our family for 5 years but once back...brassed off Sundays. However I think its all down to cancer.

Its maybe because I am having my first chemo this week and after having had my secondary cancer head and hair blasting radiotherapy treatment that makes me look like Sloth in The Goonies 1985 film its making me feel brassed off even more? Who knows but I wish I had a magic wand to fix all we cancer sufferers who are going through this awfulness with one wave of that wand.

I am not looking forward to the chemo as I had it 32 years ago and it was awful, I went in for a week at a time for several sessions and it was awful but I am told that this sort regime of chemo is not used for my liver cancer so I am pretty hopeful for that but still scared about the outcomes especially as I think I have more

There are many sessions I will be going through and I know that they will never not knock the cancer on the head so I will be cancer free but I keep hoping it will give me more life. I think its the human spirit response in wanting to live for as long as possible but I have the feeling I won't have long left even though I feel I have much to give and more so I hate the thoughts of my lovely wife waking up the first morning after I have died really tugs at my heart strings and I know what she will be feeling like, I think?

I will not be there to make her coffee or breakfast, cook her meals and simply be with when we laugh so much. Its really sad and this is the most awful part of this awful long term death sentence. We wont be able to place a cruise or trip to New York or anywhere else. Its awful and it makes me cry inside so much.

Good night all and sleep tight, hope the bed bugs don't bite!! Sorry if I upset anyone with my day.



  • RobertARobertA Posts: 1,272 ✭✭✭✭✭


    Hi Moor

    I am so sorry to hear about your day. It is not surprising to hear that you are brassed off. The arrival of the Autumnal weather always makes me feel a bit low, but I am sure that you are right, the fact that you are facing chemo again is a real pain.

    I know that living with cancer is very difficult and we all have those days when we need warm words and a hug. I think you are very brave in opening up about how you feel and I am pleased that you are able to talk about it here in our community.

    Did you know that @KarinSieger is offering a free online Cancer Support Meeting this afternoon at 3.00pm? Have a look at her post on "Coping With Treatments and Side Effects". I am sure you will find it helpful if you are available.

    You are a very selfless and caring man and I empathise with your concerns for your wife. I have the same worries and we have decided to leave our lovely island home so that my Mary will be near her family when I am not around. Recent progress in treatments has given me some encouragement and I hope that you will find the same.

    You have not upset anyone Moor. Please just keep posting whenever you feel like it. I will be here to listen and so will others.


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