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diddydi68diddydi68 Posts: 16
edited March 2020 in Carers Corner

Since being diagnosed with my cancer all me and my partner do is argue. It was my Birthday on Saturday and I worked as my boss had a charity event.. no present from my OH so we went shopping today to buy clothes that will make it easier for me to dress .. shirts, leggings, slip on shoes and post surgery bras, they are my presents (£70) .. all I want is a cuddle x


  • JerseyBobJerseyBob Posts: 102 ✭✭✭


    I am so sorry to hear your story and so pleased that you have joined our community. We are a friendly group and we are here to chat and support each other in our difficult journey through cancer. 

    Your situation sounds very like the one that close friends of ours went through a few years ago. The male friend found himself in a situation he was unable to manage or control and struggled to cope. The breast cancer diagnosis was the last thing he expected and he was completely overwhelmed.  I do think that we men are inclined to bottle up and refuse to discuss how we feel about an illness like cancer. I am sure that your partner is very caring but he is just not sure how to handle the situation.

    If you have a MacMillan Cancer Support near you, it is worth popping in and having a chat. Do you think your husband would be willing to do that? They are very helpful and supportive and usually have access to a counsellor who can be a great help to cancer survivors and their partners.

    Please keep in touch and let me know how you get on.

    Rob x  

  • diddydi68diddydi68 Posts: 16

    Thank you @JerseyBob

    We live in a very rural area; the hospital I am being treated at is over an hour away and the nearest support centre is only open once a week in the mornings which means we are both working.

    He is a fabulous man and I know he is struggling to cope; I will suggest he looks at an online forum, maybe that may help him x

  • diddydi68diddydi68 Posts: 16

    I tried and failed , he says he's fine but once again we have argued over absolutely nothing and he's asleep.

    We are like chalk and cheese which has always worked. He got really angry because I don't feel like being intimate..he suggested that I may not turn him on post masectomy which I don't think he meant.

    Stuck between a rock and a hard place xx

  • JerseyBobJerseyBob Posts: 102 ✭✭✭


    I am sure he didn't mean it. It is a difficult time for you both and you are going though a lot with your surgery etc. I hope that things will settle down as you work your way through it.

    Rob x

  • DizzydeeDizzydee Posts: 2

    I know you have not posted in awhile, wanted to let you know you are not alone. My husband has difficulty with any illness, with anyone. He completely avoids the subject. He is a good man. A wonderful man. However when it comes to illness he cannot handle it. Some people are like this. I wish you well and if you want to chat let me know.

  • RobertARobertA Posts: 1,272 ✭✭✭✭✭


    Hi Deb

    Lovely to hear from you and what a kind offer.

    I think that a lot of men have difficulty with illness. You can see that to some extent as there are so few of us who post in the community. It isn’t that we don’t care - a lot of us don’t know how to react to illness and try to keep our worries to ourselves which can lead to misunderstandings and arguments. I was very much the same myself until I was diagnosed with cancer. I managed pretty well during the first six months of treatment but then fell into depression. The wonderful MacMillan Cancer Support provided me with a Counsellor who helped me to open up and now I can’t stop talking🤣.

    Welcome to our lovely friendly Community. We like to chat, help and support one another. We also have Cancer Coffee Break where we can talk about anything but cancer.

    Rob x

  • diddydi68diddydi68 Posts: 16

    Hi @Dizzydee

    Thank you so much for your lovely offer.

    I think he was scared and didn't know how to react - he is much better now - the only change is that pyjamas have now become bedtime attire which is a little sad.

    Love and hugs xx

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