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Feeling low

denden Posts: 6

Hi never been on a forum before but feeling a bit low,my husband had bowel cancer 3years ago and before he got the all clear I was diagnosed with breast cancer.i have had chemotherapy and Radiotherapy and a wide excision and am waiting on a double mastectomy,we have had to put that on hold .then on Christmas Eve my husband was diagnosed with inoperable squamous carcinoma tonsil throat cancer he has also just finished a 6 week course of chemotherapy and Radiotherapy and is very poorly.i feel like everything is just so exhausting at the moment.has anyone else had such bad luck?


  • SunshinedaffSunshinedaff Posts: 1,337 ✭✭✭✭✭

    Hi @den ,

    Thank you so much for sharing a little of your story, I am really glad you have found the forum, I do hope you will find it a place of support and help to you. Everyone is very friendly here, we try and encourage and support one another at whatever stage we are at.

    I am so very sorry to hear both you and your husband have been diagnosed with cancer, I can only imagine what a nightmare that must be for you. I am not surprised you feel exhausted and low, you have a lot to contend with. You have had so much to take in and adjust to. It is always a shock to hear any cancer diagnosis , it is so awful for you. Do you have any help from anyone, like family or friends or cancer support group, like Macmillan Cancer Support here, if you are in the UK.

    I understand how draining and exhausting all the treatment is, and how much it takes out of you. It takes such a long time to recover from all of it. Is your surgery on hold due to your husband's diagnosis and treatment plan?

    You are not alone here, there are others in a similar situation to yourself where they and their loved ones are being treated for cancer. I had breast cancer myself, thankfully I am recovering, but I did lose my sister, mum and dad to cancer. I can empathise with you in that way of caring for someone with cancer, and the pain of seeing some one you love suffering.

    You are really, very welcome to come and chat here at any time, about anything. It doesn't always have to be about cancer either. We have an 'Off-topic' category, where anything goes, we do laugh a lot here too, and that helps!

    I hope to chat to you again soon,

    Lou x

  • denden Posts: 6

    Hi@Sunshinedaff ,Thankyou for your reply,yes my treatment has been put on hold because of my husband,I had the brecca gene test at Oxford as my mother and her sisters passed away from breast cancer and it came back positive.I had a aggressive cancer and the double mastectomy is a proventative after having my treatment.my husbands treatment has been awful.I hope you are keeping well,I do attend a breast cancer group run by sue Ryder which has been really helpful.But I am sure like everyone else it’s when we are at home it can be very lonely when we are trying to cope.It is lovely to find a forum to be in touch with others that understand.how do I use the Off Topic category I could do with a laugh.Thankyou again Lou for your reply.

  • SunshinedaffSunshinedaff Posts: 1,337 ✭✭✭✭✭

    Hi @den

    If you go to the main page where the categories are , you will see an off-topic one there, I will try and put a link at the bottom of this for you. You can start your own discussion at anytime or just join in with others. However you feel. The category 'What's on your mind today' also has some non-cancer chats on.

    It's good you have the Sue Ryder group to go to. I go to my hospital coffee morning each month run by the breast care nurses. It's a drop-in, and they are always around to chat to if wanted. There are a few other ladies there. Although during winter I tend to stay clear of it because of all the bugs etc that go around.

    I had the BRCA test too, because of my sister, mum and aunts, but it was negative. My daughter's will still have to start screening earlier though as clearly there is something in the genes, just not the ones they test for!

    I am so glad you find the community a good place, as you say, it is somewhere else to turn to when alone.

    I do hope your husband recovers soon from his treatment and has some lighter, better days.

    Now to do the link, haha, apologies if it doesn't work, if not I will do it separately!

    I hope you are able to enjoy this beautiful afternoon.

    Chat soon,

    Lou x

  • SunshinedaffSunshinedaff Posts: 1,337 ✭✭✭✭✭

    @den ,

    Not quite what I thought would happen, but you can access the categories from this. Haha. Doing this on my phone, so it's always a bit tricky!

    Lou x

  • RobertARobertA Posts: 1,239 mod

    Hi @den

    No wonder you are feeling so low. You and your husband have had no luck at all and I feel for you both. I do hope that your husband’s chemotherapy and radiotherapy have been effective and that now they are finished, he will soon start to feel better.

    I absolutely agree with you, coping with cancer is a lonely business and I am pleased that you have Sue Ryder to turn to. MacMillan Cancer Support have been brilliant for me and saw me through a tough time, providing me with a counsellor free of charge. I now do some voluntary work with them myself which I enjoy.

    My wife is a volunteer with Jersey Hospice which has a daycentre with coffee and cake, quiz sessions. craft sessions, yoga, mindfulness, a choir, and weekly discussion groups which I often attend. I winder if there is one in your area?

    I also love this community. It is full of courageous, caring and funny people, new friends who don’t mind when you are having a bad day and who celebrate the good ones with you, You are most welcome and I hope you will keep in touch. Perhaps you can persuade your hubby to join in. I love chatting with the ladies, but it would be nice to have a bit of male company too.

    Rob x

  • denden Posts: 6

    Hi Robert A.

    I’m glad Macmillan was a great support for you,they have been helpful with my husband aswell. I done a charity coffee morning for them a couple of years ago and made over one thousand pounds and then had a sue Ryder charity evening last September which made 5thousand pounds which was amazing.Its lovely to hear you and your wife are doing voluntary work for Macmillan,I feel that we are giving something back for supporting us through the hard times.Richie my husband is starting to recover slowly.my Daughter in law and Granddaughter are taking me out for a meal tonight and Richie’s friend is coming to sit with him,I haven’t been able to go out for a couple of months so looking forward to a nice meal and a good laugh.Thankyou for your kind words Rob.Denise x

  • denden Posts: 6

    Hi sunshinedaff

    sorry it’s taken so long to reply landed up the hospital with my husband his feeding peg came out.Thankyou for sending me the information Lou I will take a look on the forum.Hope you are keeping well my husband has picked up a little the past few days,still unable to eat normally but hopefully not much longer before he can.Take care Denise x

  • SunshinedaffSunshinedaff Posts: 1,337 ✭✭✭✭✭
    edited March 2019


    Hi Denise,

    Oh no apologies needed! I’m really sorry to hear your husband had to go to hospital. It is always stressful when the unexpected problems turn up. I do hope he will feel a lot better soon, and I hope that you will be able to rest as well.

    Wow, That is fantastic to raise so much in your fundraising, that is very impressive and I’m sure has done a lot to help others. Enjoy your evening out tonight, I hope it is refreshing for you to get out and about. How lovely of Richie’s friend to come and keep him company. Take care, chat soon,

    Lou x

  • RobertARobertA Posts: 1,239 mod


    Hi Denise

    Wow, five thousand pounds. That is an amazing effort.

    Mary was selling cakes at the hospital this morning. The proceeds are to sponsor a young man who is doing the London Marathon on behalf of hospice. They have raised around six hundred pounds.

    I am delighted to hear that Richie is starting to recover and so pleased you are having a well deserved night out with your daughter in law and granddaughter.

    I am aware that you still have surgery to come and please know that you will get lots of love and support that the lovely people in this community. I am so pleased you found us, we are always here for each other when the going gets tough.

    Rob x

  • jacksprat_x1jacksprat_x1 Posts: 317 ✭✭✭✭

    @den @Sunshinedaff @RobertA

    Hi Denise,

    I am so sorry to hear that your Husband has been through Bowel cancer only to find it returning in the throat. Also that you also have your breast cancer to deal with at the same time. I wish you both all the very best.

    I started my Bowel Cancer journey with an emergency operation on 15 Dec 2018 and did 3rd chemo last Friday. So far so good. I was well enough yesterday to enjoy the sunshine and plant up spring pots !

    I was so pleased to hear that you have raised so much for the cancer charities. It’s a good feeling isn’t it? I have been involved through singing with my husband . Drummer, in a little Folk and Roots Band in raising funds for a new treatment suite in our local hospital In Ipswich, Suffolk over the past five years or so. We have done average of two a year charity gigs and raised several thousand pounds collectively with others for Sands Stillbirth charity and Cancer Research and MacMillan. Our cousins husband battled Bowel Cancer for 10 years and was an inspiration to anyone coping with it. He played in our band despite having neuropathy in fingers! Had a full life of travel and golf and cricket and loved a party! He told us he was supporting financially the fund raising of a new treatment suite and The Wolverstone wish was finally opened 2016 and I never dreamt I would be benefitting from the most inspirational uplifting place visually and holistically and is testimony to all the people who had the vision to provide this although they may not live to see it open themselves! David said they used to have treatment in a hot crowded dowdy old room so I think of him each time I visit there. Every time I hear Bob Dylan’s Don’t Think Twice, the last song he got up and sung solo at Folk Club just as the evening ended, two weeks before he passed I think he’s letting us know he’s ok. That song was played just after his funeral pre-show at a concert we went to as well. Was a very fitting tribute to him.

    I am so pleased you went out for a lovely meal and your husbands friend came to sit with him. Family and friends are so important at times like this and I am so lucky to have them surrounding me. You also the the support of the wonderful people in this community too, Lou and Rob are such great supporters too!

    Hi Rob, loved your picture of the car young man! Mine will follow! Hope you having a good sunny weekend!

    Hi Lou,

    I hope you enjoyed the sunshine yesterday. Did you you collect your daughter from Uni? Was the homework done? Are the puss cats enjoying the sun through the window?

    Hope you enjoying your weekend.

    Chemo no 3 going well. Steroids didnt stop this time ha!

    Catch up soon.

    (No camping? You don’t know what your missing haha! Perhaps you do! It was the only way to get a break when pennies were tight! Haha) xxx

  • jacksprat_x1jacksprat_x1 Posts: 317 ✭✭✭✭


    Steroids didn’t stop sleep! early morning digits! 💤👍

    Luv j x

  • denden Posts: 6

    Jacksprat x1

    Hi ,it sounds like you are a very busy lady,sorry to hear about your bowel cancer do yo have to have Radiotherapy aswell? How many chemotherapy do you have to have?si pleased you managed to get in the garden I love gardening it always helps to feel a bit more up beat.David sounds like a very strong man and it’s nice to have a song to bring back the good memories.I bet it’s great fun being in a band and yes I agree it is a good feeling raising money for charity, wow it sounds like you have busy raising a lot of money well done.It was a lovely meal last Friday evening and it was good to have a laugh.My husband finished his treatment 3weeks ago but because it’s the throat he still has to be tube fed as it’s to painful to swallow,he has lost a lot of weight and is very lethargic. I am hoping he will start to feel a bit better in the next few weeks.It was lovely to hear from you.

    Denise x

  • GabbyGabby Posts: 1

    Sorry to hear your misfortune. I am post treatment of 6 weeks radiotherapy and chemo. Finished my treatment 5 weeks ago for tonsil cancer, starting to get a bit better. Not much mucus now only first thing in the morning. Still no taste and lack of saliva.

    Still unable to eat and have lost 2.5 stone, lost all my muscle. I am not feeling too bad apart from fatigue, just wish I could eat.

  • denden Posts: 6


    sorry to hear you are going through tonsil cancer,the treatment is awful,I had breast cancer and had op and chemotherapy and Radiotherapy I thought that was rough but the treatment for throat cancer is horrendous.my husband is 4weeks post treatment and is feeling about the same as you.he has lost just over 3 stone in weight.Did you have a feeding tube put in ? even though he hates the feeding peg it has been a god send,sending you good wishes.Denise x

  • SunshinedaffSunshinedaff Posts: 1,337 ✭✭✭✭✭

    Hi @Gabby ,

    I am so sorry to hear of your diagnosis, going through all your treatment must have been very difficult. It just sounds horrendous like Denise has said for her husband. I am so glad you have come through the treatment, and I really hope the effects of it start to diminish very soon so you can begin to recover.

    Sending you very best wishes,

    Lou x

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