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bullcowbullcow Posts: 7
My husband last chemo was 2 months ago. He now has such anger/rage and it is directed towards me. I am at the point where I am afraid of him. I think it is only a matter of time before he hits me.


  • PositiveLady10PositiveLady10 Posts: 77 ✭✭✭
    Hi, walk away when he gets angry,go into another room until he calms down!
    My husband went through chemo,surgery then radiotherapy for bowel cancer,he had to wear a illiostomy bag for a year,then had another op to reverse the bag.
    At times he was angry and I felt I couldn't do anything right?
    I was working full time during this period,so I was glad to go to work.
    It is the treatment he has had and he probably doesn't mean any of it,but as you're the nearest to him,your the one in the firing line.
    I was talking to a friend of mine last night,who's husband had a brain tumour,he used to tell her he didn't love her,tell her to F off,some awful things were said.
    She knew he was a lovely man before his treatment,and that helped her to get through it.
    Sadly she lost him a few months ago,and she wishes he was here to scream and shout at her,she misses him so much.
    obviously if you feel threatened,go to a neighbor or a friend until you feel save to return.
    Please let me know how you are doing,I am here x

  • SunshinedaffSunshinedaff Posts: 1,437 ✭✭✭✭✭
    Hi @bullcow

    I am so sorry to hear things have become so difficult since your husband has had treatment.

    Some others on here have mentioned similar things as yourself.

    Is your husband still undergoing any other treatment or medication?
    I think everything @PositiveLady10 has mentioned is right, I would encourage you to seek some professional advice and help though, perhaps from your GP, or your husbands oncologist or even Macmillans. They will certainly have people who will be able to provide you with some support, and help you find a way through this.

    If your husband is still on medication the side-effects of those could also be affecting him.
    There is so much about cancer treatment ands its effects that is variable from person to person, on top of having to deal with the emotional fallout from it. 

    I know from my experience that it wasn't until I had finished all my treatment that I was able to process having been with diagnosed cancer in the first place. Everything moved in such a whirlwind I didn't really have time to think.

    It is so hard on our partners, I think perhaps more so, because you have to watch it happen and unfold being unable to fix it. 
    I do hope you will be able to speak to some one soon, so that you and your husband can get some support.

    You are most welcome here, and please feel free to come and chat anytime, I hope you will feel supported here, we are here for you.

    Lou x

  • bullcowbullcow Posts: 7

    @Sunshinedaff his treatment ended on 12/14. he is not on any medication. I don't have any friends and I don't have any family that I am close to. Regardless of the fact that he had cancer & treatment, it doesn't give him the right to treat me that way. He saw a counselor this week, came home and did the usual cussing me out, slamming and throwing things. Nothing but hatred coming from him.  I have told his GP and his oncology office and nothing came of that.

  • SunshinedaffSunshinedaff Posts: 1,437 ✭✭✭✭✭

    @bullcow ,


    That just sounds appalling, I am so sorry. Absolutely, you are right, that is completely wrong of him to treat you this way.

    I am concerned for you more so though, to not have any friends or family to turn to for support.

    I do think it would be really good if you could speak to someone for your own welfare, you need to be safe. Are you in the UK?

    This is the number for Macmillan Cancer Support, they are there to help the families of people with cancer, not just the patient.

    It is a free number 0808 808 00 00, it is a place to start. Lines are open 7 days a week, 8am-8pm.

    Please call them, I am here whenever you would like to talk, but I do think you need someone 'in person' to help you too, they may have people in the area local to you.

    Let me know how you get on, I will chat with you again I hope.

    Lou x

  • bullcowbullcow Posts: 7

    @Sunshinedaff I am in the USA

  • SunshinedaffSunshinedaff Posts: 1,437 ✭✭✭✭✭



    What about the American Cancer Society? They have Support Programs and Services that are free. If you call them they would be able to tell you what is available in your location.

    They have a 'live chat' option on their web page too.

    Tel no is 800-227-2345 . I don't know if that is a free call for you, but I would encourage you to call.

    Lou x

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