so anxious I could cry

Hi everyone, I would just like to introduce myself first of all. . 

I am 30 years old, 3 children and in 2012 I had a 'lipoma' removed from my right thigh, that turned out to be a 'low grade' soft tissue sarcoma.  I had 2 further surgeries removing tissue, and eventually some of the muscle from my inner thigh but did not require any further treatment. My specialist didn't seem overly concerned as he laughed and said 'no, not from this' when I asked if I was going to die .... Previously I have had swelling around my knee and upper shin, and always had a bit of pain on and off. (I'm guessing due to the removal of lymph nodes in my leg) Recently I have had pain and a little swelling in my upper thigh/groin. (More of a discomfort) but find I have good and bad days with it. I used to exercise every day for around 2 years and rarely do much these days and sit down at work 4hours a day. I have never really had swelling in my upper thigh and it does seem to get better some days and worse others. I also seem to have a sciatic kind of pain in my buttock on that side also. But can't feel any new lumps etc. I was having follow ups every 4 months then 6 months until around 2014 and have never had any further appointments or follow ups and haven't requested this from my Dr as assumed they were quite happy with my results. Now I'm regretting this as I've googled myself into a state of painick! (As you do😩) I've had some physio but no actual follow up with my dr since 2014 and now I'm having pain and googling stuff and I am absolutely distraught thinking that this is something really really bad. I have had a pregnancy since then also. I suffer anxiety and panic attacks and I am so scared to go to my doctor. (I am going on Thursday) but I am literally in tears at the thought that this may indicate my cancer has returned and waiting on test results, and I just don't know what to do other than cry and think the worst. 

Has anyone had any experience with this before? Or anything similar after surgery to remove sarcoma. I'm at my wits end always thinking the worst and seeing things on google that say I should still be under consultant care for 5-10 years! I'm sorry to sound like such a drag, but it would honestly just be my luck 😭 Please help 😞



Comments

  • LouiseJLouiseJ Posts: 264 mod
    Hi @Kaylz1902

    Hello, a very warm welcome to you.  You are very welcome here, and I hope you find support and friendship to help you. You don't sound like a drag at all! When we have to face these situations in life, it is very, very scary, especially the 'unknown' part. I am sorry I haven't had experience of sarcoma, I am a breast cancer survivor. I am so glad you are seeing your Dr on Thursday, this is absolutely the best thing to do. I am so sorry you have been under so much stress and anxiety thinking about this. I hope you don't mind me saying, but could I suggest you stop googling symptoms etc. That will not help your anxiety and fears, but will make them worse. I know you have already read a lot of stuff, but try and put that to one side. If at all possible find something else to focus on. I understand how difficult this to do, but I encourage you to try. Before I was diagnosed with cancer, I had to force myself to think of something else, sometimes, every hour or minute. I'm guessing that in 2014 your Dr wasn't concerned about your previous medical history. On Thursday, explain to your Dr what you have been concerned about, then take things from there. Breathe. Take a breath. I am sure as a mum you must have a million things to take care of this week, try and allow yourself to get absorbed in those things. Meanwhile we can chat here. Anytime. OK.
    Hope you don't mind me saying these things.

    Chat soon I hope.

    Lou x
  • RobertARobertA Posts: 441 ✭✭✭✭
    edited December 2018
    Hi @Kaylz1902 ;

    It is good that you have decided to see your doctor -  it will be a relief for you and your family to find out what you are facing, much much better than not knowing. 

    I agree with @LouiseJ about the temptation to google your symptoms. it is all too easy to google yourself into a panic as you inevitably imagine the worst possible scenario, often for no good reason. I have been there and done that myself.

     I have experienced anxiety and depression following my cancer diagnosis. It is awful, but it is not unexpected and help is usually available should it be needed. 

    Please keep in touch. I hope it is good news and either way,  you will find a lot of friends in this community and we are all here to support and help one other. 

    Rob x 





  • Kaylz1902Kaylz1902 Posts: 4
    Thank you so much for your reply, I do understand that I shouldn't google symptoms and 'sarcoma survival rates' especially after having suffered anxiety and panic for around 10 years (before I was ever even diagnosed) I know the number 1 rule is to NOT do this and I genuinely never do... but I over thought myself into complete panic and thinking about the fact I actually haven't had any form of check up for 4 years just put me into that 'this is it' state of mind. And had me google things that lead to seeing other things  🤦🏼‍♀️😩 I'm so sorry to hear that you have gone through not the same cancer situation but the same emotional turmoil that comes with a diagnosis! Massively glad that you made it through the darkness of this horrible disease also. And I really genuinely appreciate your kind and non judgemental comments. And wish you happiness and good health 😊 

    Kayleigh x 
  • RobertARobertA Posts: 441 ✭✭✭✭
    Thank you Kayleigh. and the same for you. X
  • LouiseJLouiseJ Posts: 264 mod
    @Kaylz1902

    Kayleigh, 

    I do understand how easy it is to fall into the trap of googling. The saying 'a little knowledge is a dangerous thing' should be re-worded to say 'a little googling....'! It wreaks such havoc on our peace of mind. 
    Thank you for your kind words, I am well, save for a few long-lasting side effects from chemo and meds, but I am here, and I might not have been, and for that I am truly thankful.
    You won't find judgements here Kayleigh, only support and kindness.

    If you want to chat anytime, please do.

    Lou x
  • LouiseJLouiseJ Posts: 264 mod
    @Kaylz1902

    Hi Kayleigh, I hope you are doing better today, and you are not feeling quite so overwhelmed. Thinking of you.

    Lou x

  • Kaylz1902Kaylz1902 Posts: 4
    Hi Lou, thank you so much for checking in on me, today has been a better day as it was my little girls 2nd birthday so I was busy with work and then had family etc round after that. Anxious about seeing my dr tomorrow but really trying hard to try to sleep and not worry about the 'unknown' 😩 

    Hope today has been a good day for you x 

    Kayleigh xx
  • LouiseJLouiseJ Posts: 264 mod
    @Kaylz1902

    Hi Kayleigh, 

    Good morning, I am so glad you had a better day yesterday. I hope you had a lovely time celebrating your daughter's birthday. It is so precious to celebrate, I imagine your children must be quite excited at the moment. Is your daughter becoming more aware of Christmas? Even though my daughter's are grown up (teenagers), they still get excited about Christmas. As do I !  I am Santa's helper and his workshop is set up in our lounge!! =) I try very hard to get everything sorted before end of term, but never manage it. 
    I hope you were able to get some rest last night, I will be thinking about you today, try not to worry (not easy, I know), seeing the Dr is the best thing.

    Lou x
  • gloden02gloden02 Posts: 51 ✭✭
    Hi Kayleigh . Just read your post and want to say I’m the same. I worry myself almost every day that my cancer will come back. My daughters tell me off and say keep strong and positive but it’s not easy I know. I hope you got good news from your Dr and sending you all best wishes. Glo xxx
  • SunshinedaffSunshinedaff Posts: 645 ✭✭✭✭
    Hi Kayleigh, 

    Just to say hello, I have been thinking about you. Hope that you were able to enjoy Christmas with your family, wishing you the very best in the new year. 

    Lou xx
  • hessomhessom Posts: 104 Community Admin
    @Kaylz1902 this sounds like a very scary thought, but hopefully it's no more than that! I'm glad to hear that you spoke with your GP, how did that go? 

    It can be natural to worry and fret about these things, especially around this time and following your previous experience, it's not always easy to relax your mind. Have you tried any exercises or activities to help reduce the anxiety whilst you seek medical advice?

    There's loads of different ways of doing this, which I'm sure you're aware of, such as breathing exercises and meditation which is a great way to help reduce anxiety and stress, along with adult colouring books which act as their own form of meditation and it might be worth giving some of these a try? You also mentioned that you used to exercise regularly, maybe you could try taking this up again?

  • RobertARobertA Posts: 441 ✭✭✭✭
    Hi @Kaylz1902

    Hope all went well with your visit to the doctor. 

    Rob x 
  • RobertARobertA Posts: 441 ✭✭✭✭
    @gloden02
    Hi Glo
    Trust you had a great Christmas and New Year. 
    I do hope thst you are worrying a bit less now. We all do it, but I have found it gets easier as time goes by. 

    Rob x
  • gloden02gloden02 Posts: 51 ✭✭
    Hi Rob. Thank you for your kind words. Happy and Healthy New Year to you. I’m still worrying. Have had bouts of Cystitis over Christmas and now constipation through taking painkillers and antibiotics. Seem to go from one thing to another. Glo x
  • Kaylz1902Kaylz1902 Posts: 4
    Hello everyone, thank you so much for all your lovely reassuring and caring messages. 

    I saw my dr before Christmas who had a feel about and tried to assure me that it does not feel like a reoccurrence to him. He's arranging a scan for me which I'm still awaiting to hear about so that makes me feel a little better that he hasn't felt the urgency to have me scanned as quick as possible. He also gave me some propranolol to help with the overwhelming symptoms that cause the panick attacks so I find they are helping a little and I am just doing my best to put it to the back of my mind. The pain in my leg/groin has also eased up so that's making me feel better in itself. 

    Hope you all had a lovely Christmas and new year and wishing you all good health and happiness in 2019. 

    Thank you all for your support and taking your time to listen and also contact me. I appreciate all of you 😊 


    Kayleigh xx
  • RobertARobertA Posts: 441 ✭✭✭✭
    Hi @kaylz1902 Kayleigh

    Well, that sounds like good news. It will be nice to hear that the scan confirms your doctor's view. That will give you even more reassurance and I wish you and your family a very happy New Year. 

    We will still be here any time you want a chat.

    Rob X 

  • SunshinedaffSunshinedaff Posts: 645 ✭✭✭✭
    @Kaylz1902 ;

    Hi Kayleigh, 

    So good to hear from you, I am so glad things feel a little easier, and also that your dr listened to you. I hope you get an appointment through very soon for the scan. Please let us know how you get on, and of course come and chat anytime. May you have a happy and healthy year, soon hopefully you can put this blip behind you.


    Take care, 

    Lou x
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