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Rob59Rob59 Posts: 27 ✭✭

Hi i have been on forum before,i have recently found out that i have now a very short time on the planet,i am not worried about my self;how the hell do i tell my friends;al the guys and girls i know their sons daughters and their kids,;

If some one out there has any good advice please share it with me

Rob59

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Comments

  • VivViv Posts: 21 ✭✭


    I am so sorry I can’t give you advice I’m not a great one for seeking help

    but if it was me I would ask the professionals in this case

    firstly for yourself stop being brave no one wants to be told what you have

    Macmillan nurses can help you If you are in the UK if not I’m sure you have similar

    where you come from they will advise you first need to know what will happen to

    you before you worry about other people so that what ever time you have left you can

    enjoy hopefully pain free or under control then you can tell friends and family with the help

    of a professional your first


    Love viv

  • LouiseJLouiseJ Posts: 715 mod

    @Rob59

    Hi Rob,

    It is unbelievably hard to deal with this kind of news, there is no right or wrong way of course to respond. We are all uniquely different, and it is an extremely personal walk to go through. I read your other posts and I know you are dealing with so much pain, heartache and suffering already.

    As Viv suggested, I would ask some advice from the professionals and your team of drs. I am sure there are others here who have been presented with a similar prognosis and I hope they will come forward with some stories of how they have managed it.

    I think if it were me, I remember asking the nurse who was with me at my diagnosis, how on earth do I tell my teenage daughters, her reply was to be honest from the start, not to hide anything. I think I would adopt the same approach with this kind of news. It is crushing, the weight of it must be enormous and you must put yourself first. What would be the most important aspects for you now?

    I know I would not want my family to think 'I wish mum had told me earlier or shared more' that kind of feeling can be very difficult to recover from, and I am sure you want to spare your family and friends as much as possible. But I do believe ultimately honesty trumps 'sparing feelings'.

    Although the drs have given you this news, it is a ball park figure, and it has been known that some people do outwit this kind of prognosis by a mile. When my sister was given her terminal prognosis and a date, she was adamant she was not going because that's what it looked like. She lived another 9 years, defying cancer and it's effects on her life. She absolutely refused to give in, didn't listen to 'no, you can't do that', instead said 'just watch me'. Truly inspirational with grit and determination.

    Obviously these are just my musings, I am not a qualified medical professional or a counsellor.

    I hope you find a way to tell your family and friends, and that they will be there for you in love and support, cherishing all the time you have together that is possible.

    Lou x

  • Rob59Rob59 Posts: 27 ✭✭

    Hi Lou just read your post,you are inspirational,i have spent all day on the phone talking to my sister,it took me a long time to tell her what my situation was , we play guitar together and i have written a whole new collection of songs about my beloved wife and our lives together,it sounds very trite but to me it is very comforting.

    We live 400 miles apart,so thank heavens for modern technology.I have 2 sons and an ex wife how the heck do i tell them that i only have (potentionally),afew weeks to survive on our little planet.it is not fair on them and i refuse to hurt the people i care so much about,can you or anybody else understand my unfortunate situation.My apologies to anyone who reads this ,i am just a bit fed up right now

  • Rob59Rob59 Posts: 27 ✭✭

    Rob59Iknow everthing is amasingly difficult just know.

    I thought of several ways out of my own dillema;(as you can tell my spelling is pretty rubbish),in fact i thought about it very seriousally today..My carers came rond to me and talked me out of it somehow.my.My carers are fantastick bunch of girls who relly do look after me and my friends.

    If anybody has read my posts before,they will know i am a qualified psychriatric nurse so it comes all the harder for me to read all of other peoples stories.

    i am sure this will be of no interest to anybody but it helped me

    Good Night and if anybodyis reading this please sleep well wherever you are

    .

    Rob59

  • RobertARobertA Posts: 1,228 mod

    @Rob59

    Hi Rob

    I am pleased to hear that you spent a long time talking with your sister and that you were able to tell her about your situation. I am sure it was the right thing to do. Playing your guitars together must be really special. Writing songs about your wife and your lives together sounds fantastic and anything but trite. I play electric keyboards and recently started writing music too and reading your post has inspired me to try something similar. Thank you.

    Rob

  • Rob59Rob59 Posts: 27 ✭✭

    Hi again,i would to thank everyone for thieir support,

    it is really difficult right now : i came very close ending it all last night.

    As anybody knows i am a blues gutarist ;i am also autistic,i am so sorry if if i upset anyone,my very sincere apologies.Rob59

  • Rob59Rob59 Posts: 27 ✭✭


    May i make a special note to RobertA i am so pleased that something inspiritional has come out of our posts,

    I have been playing for 50 years so i know how cathartic playing music can be.I can,t play keys bbut the band i played with for a heck of long time had a proffesionally trained pianist,she was awsome.(i told everyone that my English was bad).

    Please everyone who reads this,take serious care of youselves and your partners

  • LizzyB73LizzyB73 Posts: 112 Oncology Specialist Nurse

    Hi @Rob59

    I am In awe of your honesty at this incredibly difficult time. I so hope you find it within yourself to be able to speak to your family in the way you need to.

    Music opens up so many emotions in all of us and when times are especially hard are a real source of comfort.

    Sending my love

    Liz 💕

    Liz Bradley
    Oncology Specialist Nurse | Oncology Service Manager @ Springfield Hospital
  • Rob59Rob59 Posts: 27 ✭✭

    rob59 again,hi everyone.

    As you know by now i somewhat of a musician,can only thank everyone for your unconditional support ,i am honestly amazed at it ,and i reallly thank you all for your input and support,everyone has no idea how much it means to me.

    As a writer of very bad music and English.can i just say that i find a great deal comfort thru watching my favourite bands on u tube.I am currentley watching Joanne Shaw Taylor whom is an awsome guitarist.

    just for the record if anybody wants to comment,here is a list of"some" of my favourite guitarists.

    Walter Trout;Roory Ghallagher.Stevie Ray Vaughn,Clapton(obviously).BB King,Albert King.Samantha Fish, and so many more.

    Thank you for all of you that have read my inconsistant ramblings.goodnight and please sleep well.

    Rob59.

  • LouiseJLouiseJ Posts: 715 mod

    @Rob59

    Hi Rob,

    I am so glad you are finding writing here to be helpful for you, and also that your music is a great source of expression, for you. Music really does touch the heart and soul, in ways that other forms of words can't do sometimes. Some of those artists I do love as well, some are new to me.

    It is really good to know you have some very supportive carers around you, I am very pleased to hear this.

    I know there are many others who will be reading your posts too, and it is great you feel able to write in this space. You are not alone in this and you are supported here.

    I hope you had a good nights rest,

    Thinking of you,

    Lou xx

  • Rob59Rob59 Posts: 27 ✭✭

    Wow yet again Lou you are so kind;yes i did have a long chat to my sister.i told her what the trigger was that got me so down;it will probably sound crazy but it was the garden being looked after by a good friend(he basically saved my life when i broke my hip;otherwise i would still be on the floor unable to reach a phone);my late wife was the gardener out of us both,and seeing it so lovely again made me realise that she was not coming back home again.As the restrictions of C19 i couldnt go to my wifes funeral,so i never had the chance to say goodbye.Some of the songs i written over the last few weeks are very cathartic but not the same as having the chance to say a very personal farewell.I am pleased you have heard of some of my favourite music artists,just been watching Beth Hart she is a stunning musician,with her own problems to deal with(please check her out on u tube.Just for the record some of my latest musings are,(Ignorant Poetry;Close to the Wind;Anger is the last Emotion;How not to play a 12 String)).

    Thank you to all that read my scribbles,my sincere love and best wishes to all.

    Rob59.

  • Rob59Rob59 Posts: 27 ✭✭

    Hi its only Ro59 again;i want to say one last thing about my beloved wife and then anything i post i will try to be more positive about and more helpful to others that are in a similar situation;ok here we go.

    My wife and i grew up 6 miles apart although we only met briefally when i was about 15/16.she was 7 years older than me so obviously no rlelationship took place.When we did meet up it was 30 years later;she was very sick (i now have to be very careful what i write,so please bare with me).

    I very soon fell in love with her,it was not long before i found out that she had been very badly abused by people(beaten on regular basis.robbed and raped),i promissed her that i would take care of her,all i wanted to do was to cuddle her and keep her safe from such animals.She was a qualified nurse and looked after the older generation and was so kind and loving.we had an amazing 16 years together,when she got sick and was diagnosed with terminal cancer i was mortified,i really thought we would have so much more time together.As you all know by now i am a guitarist,my wife was a fantastic singer and we used to play music all the time,at the end of her life she used to ask me to sing and play her to sleep,(i was never sure if she found it soporiphic or she was just bored).

    I am not sure if this post will be allowed to stand,but iwant to share one last thing with everyone,i have just finnished writing probably my last collection of songs;its called Over the Walkway;here is the first stanza of the title track;

    Over the walkway where the Ospreys fly away,

    wherever you are you"ll here me crying every day,

    Birds in their make up,short skirts,are you allowed to be safe,or just prey,

    or to frightened to fly away.

    dont go too deep in the water please swim back my way,

    and over the walkway.

    I guess everyone will get the very basic idea.I promise not to bore any one again with my musings,i will be more positive and try to help people in similar situations to myself,take care everyone;Rob59xx

  • RobertARobertA Posts: 1,228 mod

    @Rob59

    Hi Rob. Thank you for telling us the story of your wonderful marriage. I found it inspirational and moving.

    I can see quite clearly what the message in your song is and I think it is really good. I am not surprised that you are a fan of Beth Hart, an incredible talent who seems to go under the radar a bit in the UK. I had not heard of her until Jackie @jacksprat_x1 who is also a musician, told me about her since when, I have been completely hooked. Beth has always been very honest and open about her bi-polar disorder too, and what an inspiration to others she is.

    All the best

    Rob

  • Rob59Rob59 Posts: 27 ✭✭

    Hi again everyone.:thankyou for your so kind comments.

    RobertA i thought i was the only person in Britain to have heard of Beth Hart,she is awsome.If you like her please check out the following :Joanne Shaw Taylor:Sam Fish;and associated blues girls..Their are so many brilliant female musicians that they get overlooked.As you can tell i have always loved female playing and vocals,i was very lucky to play with so many at university.

    I know this is not directly aimed at a cancer associated forum,but i hope my collection of posts are starting to make sense,the whole process for me is so complex,i am so pleased that people actually read this.

    Good luck to everyone and good health.Rob59

  • LouiseJLouiseJ Posts: 715 mod

    @Rob59 @RobertA @jacksprat_x1

    Good afternoon 😊

    I was going to say I was a recent convert to Beth Hart too, only because of Jackie and Rob too, lol😂.

    How wonderful it is to read about your wife and your marriage. You write as much as you want or need to, it is about being real and honest, living with cancer is immensely tough. I am sure those that read your posts are moved and can relate as well.

    I always hope that you are having as near to a peaceful day as you can.

    Chat soon,

    Lou x

  • Rob59Rob59 Posts: 27 ✭✭

    rob59

    Hi Lou and everyone,thank you;their is no more to be said;aprt from i hope you all have a peaceful night;i am currently watching the brilliant Richie Kotzen,i will be up untill 04;00 playing the hell out of my Strat" and annoying the wildlife;just for once to hell with cancer or any other illness;take care everyone,probably write a whole lot more rubbish tomoz..Rob59.

  • Rob59Rob59 Posts: 27 ✭✭

    Rob59 It is now some time silly o'clock i hav'nt bored anyone with yet another installment of the happy times at Rob59 Towers.

    Well just when you think eveything has returned to a modicum of normality(whatever the hell that is),guess what,i had the gas men knock on my door at 08:00 to inform me that my gas boilers flue was leeking a dangerous amount of raw gas and that they would have to cap it for safety reasons.

    Now i am left with no hot water,or central heating(not that we need extra heat in this weather) so what next ......ah yes a new boiler,thankfully that was easily arranged and the installation will be finnished by tomoz evening.So for once their is no raising of the ugly C head I just wonder what will go wrong next,roof falling in,a plague of giant haggises swooping down to pick off my washing,or maybe just maybe,a peaceful week.

    I hope everyone that reads my drivel understands the loaded irony,if they know my situation;i hope you all have a peaceful night/day.lolRob59.

  • Rob59Rob59 Posts: 27 ✭✭

    Hi everyone just Rob59 here again,just to let everyone who follows my drivel that some good always comes out of adversity.

    I recently started up with an online dating agency,a woman who lives just down the road answered my clarion call(she probably heard my guitars late at night)she plays the flute so she came around to my house and we jammed all yesterday afternoon,and we are going to write some more together (she wants to me finish my collection of songs about my life with Sue');and to cap it all my lovely big sis'has just bought me an Eko 12 string(my favourite guitar);the point i am trying to make is that when everything seems total crap you have to look for the next day;heaven knows what it my hold;be positive and grab the bull by the horns;it sure as well works for me(and believe me i get down as well);take care everyone;Rob59.

  • SunshinedaffSunshinedaff Posts: 1,324 ✭✭✭✭✭

    @Rob59

    Hi Rob,

    😊😊😊

    That sounds fabulous! I am so pleased to hear you have connected with someone and can write and play music together. It is a lovely gift your sister has given you too, very special!

    You are right, you really never know what is going to come along, least when you expect it to, especially when things are so tough and imagining anything 'good' is very hard.

    I hope you continue to have real joy in your musical endeavours, with good company too.

    Have a good day, chat soon.

    Lou 🤗😊

    xx

  • Rob59Rob59 Posts: 27 ✭✭

    Rob59 (again) a message for Sunshinedaff(what a lovely reply)IF just for once i have helped lift someones spirits then that is great (i read other peoples posts it sure as hell inspires me)please everyone out their keep going you NEVER know what is going to happen;but please MAKE IT HAPPEN,it dosn't get done by itself;thanks Rob59.

  • RobertARobertA Posts: 1,228 mod

    @Rob59

    Hi Rob

    Wow, how amazing that you have found someone who shares your interest in music and also that she lives so close to you. That jamming session sounds like good fun, and it is interesting that you were able to match the two instruments together. It must be really special to find someone with whom you can write. I have written some music, but I am not too good at lyrics. Fortunately, I have friends who are and one of them has written some incredible and emotional lyrics about living with cancer. I have attached a photo of myself (keyboards) jamming with them.

    How lovely of your sister to buy that Eko 12 string. i imagine that you will have to be pretty skilful to play that.

    Take care

    Rob 🎸🎹

  • Rob59Rob59 Posts: 27 ✭✭

    Rob59 Again(HI Rob A)thanks for your post ;yes i was lucky to find Kath,she is a great flautist.and yes i do wright quite well.Yes my big sis'is an amazing woman and best friend;she went all over the country to find me an Eko 12,and all the other guitars she has bought me.

    I am pleased for you that you have someone who can write lics'it can be hard work doing both;i find i write best at about 2am,both music and lics;keep at it ;it is an example to us all;posititve thought goes a hell of a long way;

    Rob59(take care everyone)xx.

  • RobertARobertA Posts: 1,228 mod
    edited August 2020

    Here we are

  • Rob59Rob59 Posts: 27 ✭✭

    Rob59 again(to RobertA)

    Great pic which one are you?

  • RobertARobertA Posts: 1,228 mod

    @Rob59

    Hi Rob

    I’m the one on the keyboards. I used to play purely by reading music, but in the last couple of years I have worked on my theory and taken online lessons on playing without music. As you will know, you can download the guitar chords relating to songs quite easily and I do that and accompany my own rather ordinary singing.

    Cheers

    Rob

  • Rob59Rob59 Posts: 27 ✭✭

    hi Rob (Rob59 again)yes i thought you were on keys (seeing as you told me you were a kekys player)just my normal stupidity.

    My sister has just bought me a Zoom pedal 2100 for my Strat'and yet another 12 string and a parlour guitar for me to play some more gigs with,so i am well set up again.Just going to download some recording software so Kath(big sis Samantha) and myself can all jam together online,we also want to do some recording before it's too late(my health i mean not the time).so in a wierd way all is looking pretty good;thanks for photo its nice to put an image to a post.

    I know other people read our posts;if their is anything positive that comes out of them ,then i really hope it helps in dark lonely moments;it sure as hell as helped me;

    Goodnight and sleep well;Rob59.

  • Rob59Rob59 Posts: 27 ✭✭

    Hi everyone Rob59 here again just to let you know i as yet have not fallen off the planet ;it's too far to far to fall!!!!

    As i always try to keep a positive outlook on things and you know about my musical collaboration with a flautist ;i dont know if anybody wants to read about another on line friendship i have established.

    I met a woman whom suffers from MS and she has to be the funniest person i have ever met on line.

    The point i am trying to make is that even in her own adversity she can laugh at herself and certainly makes me smile 'cos she NEVER gives up.If i am feeling down i only have to message her to "pick me up", so there is always someone out there to help in one way or another.so good luck to everyone and don't despair someone WILL help;Rob59.😄

  • LouiseJLouiseJ Posts: 715 mod

    @Rob59

    Hi Rob,

    Great to hear from you again, very glad to find you are still on our planet! 😁

    I love reading your posts, and it is so good to hear you have met another person online who you have befriended and who makes you laugh and smile in the midst of her own adversity too.

    I absolutely agree and believe in never giving in or giving up, and in life we do often find others who are in a similar position to ourselves or worse, who are able to exude life regardless of their circumstances.

    It is really great to hear you laughing, able to smile.

    I hope you are having a good weekend,

    Take care, chat soon,

    Lou xx

  • Rob59Rob59 Posts: 27 ✭✭

    Hi Rob59 here yet again(hi LouiseJ thank you for your very kind words it is that response that i am trying to obtain;i did say trying whether i succeed or not is not up to me).but it means a great deal to me.if you really try it can go a little step further; my new friend and i have moved on from "dating agency forum"and spent all afternoon and evening on whatsApp a far more personal way of communicating and a hell of a lot more fun!

    From the outset we totally agreed to be honest with each other as a result we had an absolute blast for about 6hrs and we will be "at it"tomorrow afternoon;so i guess what i am trying to say is that however painful it may feel at the time honesty really is the best policy(especially with yourself).

    I have just realised i sound like some kind of priest i can promise you guys i most certainly am not;you should see me ride bikes and play guitar(not at the same time)i think that would put you right.

    I hope everyone has a peaceful and restful night (the wildlife round here won't i am just about to blast the heavens with my Strat')

    Goodnight and take care Rob59

  • Rob59Rob59 Posts: 27 ✭✭

    Hi Rob59 again(i bet you'r sick of me tonight) it's just a long PS really ;i forgot to mention to my fellow insomniacs that whilst i was writing my last drivel that i was watching Richie Kotzen on u tube(also to be found fronting "The Winery Dogs") so for those like me and hopefully others i have prepared a small list of bands you may or may not have encountered;(my apologies in arrears if you have come across them before; Caravan ;Camel ;Mountain ;Budgie ;Barclay,James ;Harvest ;King Crimson ; Danielle Nichole Band ;Blackberry Smoke ;Erja Lyytinen ;Wishbone Ashe ;Bad Company ;Ana Popovic ;and finally you'l be pleased to hear The Dead South .So if like me it is a pain in the butt to go bed by yourself and you want some musical company to keep you amused check this lot out.(I have just realised i have cured all the insomniacs 'cos they 😴have been reading this).

    Goodnight (or good morning)every one;take care;

    Rob59😴

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